


One Man's Heaven is Another's Hell

by Yallsnasty



Series: Perseverance [1]
Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/M, Slow Burn, anyway, future smut, i think, idk if this counts as a slow burn lmao, imma say this isnt connect, it will make sense later lol, like its canon somewhat, now with the release of the new far cry, the bombs drop and everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-14 00:05:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 25,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16902300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yallsnasty/pseuds/Yallsnasty
Summary: The deputy finds herself stuck in a bunker with a man she wants dead and there is no chance of escape anytime soon. She’s got to survive and keep him content; but her stubbornness always gets the best of her.





	1. I'm All You Have Left

It hadn’t been more than a day since everything went to Hell and that psycho that was the cause of all this shit was beginning to act as if everything was fine; though to Emily that wasn’t much of a surprise since she saw Joseph as utterly insane. He went about the bunker as if he didn't have someone chained up in a room, or that the world above them was gone; he accepted it quickly. Emily on the other hand still thought this was all a nightmare.

Emily couldn't fall asleep, no matter how heavy her eyelids seemed to be, because every time she did she would see the faces of her friends and loved ones. How they looked before the collapse, how happy they were to have someone fighting along side them; how fearful they were as the bombs dropped. Their faces, their screams, etched into her mind like the sin on her chest.

The exhaustion caused her to no longer feel the pain from the handcuffs digging into her skin or from the injuries of the fight and crash. She felt numb. And in this numbness and exhaustion she found a form of peace; a solemn peace but peace nonetheless. As her eyes began to close she found herself hoping she would die in her sleep, she didn't want to live on anymore; not after knowing all your loved ones are dead and the only company you have left is the man you tried to kill and who tried to kill you. Death would only be darkness and numbness; but anything would be better than this.

Emily woke to the sounds of footsteps, her heart pounded in her chest as she came to and realized what was happening. She tried to sit up a bit having slouched in a not so comfortable position, pain coursed through her body as she did, and rested her side against the metal frame of the bed. She had her eyes closed the whole time, she feared to even look at him; but when she heard the noises stop she opened her eyes and looked at the door to see Joseph standing there with a can of food and water.

 "Good, you’re finally awake-“ He walked over to her and sat down in the chair that was next to the bed she was chained to. "-I was beginning to worry that you’d never wake up.” 

Emily didn't look at him, her focus on the scars that had been left by the cuffs. 

_> worry… You don’t worry about anyone<_

If her mouth wasn’t so dry and her body so weak she would be spitting every cuss word known to man at him, but she would have to save that for another day.

She looked at the water bottle, moving her shaking hand as far as she could while cuffed to the bed post. But he just moved it farther away, “I’ll be feeding you until-” she gave him a look of ‘are you fucking kidding?’ This only earned a sigh from him and a gesture at her, “-until you can sit up by yourself and not tremble.” He had a gentleness in his voice that Emily did not like; she saw this man as nothing more than a violent, psychotic cult leader. And having him say that he’s worried for her and that he’d care for her until she’s stronger irked her.

“We’re family now,” he began to say as he opened the water “we are all we have left. So we must take care of each other.”

Emily just stared at him and then the water. She wanted to ignore his help but her dry throat was becoming painful and for now, she was too weak to fight back in any way. So, she lifted her head and drank basically the whole bottle, some missed her mouth though and dripped down her chin and unto her ruined clothes. When she was done she rested her head against the post and gave a sigh, her eyes closed. When she opened her eyes she could see a small smile on Joseph’s lips, but she didn’t pay much attention to it for he started to open up the can of food he brought in.

Joseph got a spoonful out of the can and held it to her lips, that smile beginning to grow larger as she hesitantly took the bite. She cringed at the taste, realizing it was canned peaches. She never liked peaches. But she couldn’t care less right now and finished the bite, waiting for another.

“My child.” how she hated how he called her that, “I don’t think I ever heard your true name?” She finished the second bite, licking her still dry lips; she shook her head ever so slightly, “well… can you tell me?” He asked with his head titled in curiosity.

Emily sighed, mostly in annoyance, “Em…Emily” she whispered in a hoarse voice. She was pretty sure it was almost inaudible.

“Emily… what a beautiful name” he gave her a kind smile, which she didn’t like, and held out another bite. They did this for another minute or two before he spoke again.

“Well, Emily. I hope you can come to accept me as I have accepted you.” She stopped chewing, looking him in the eyes, which she always hated doing because it always felt as if he stared right into your soul if you did.

“We have a long time to get along and I think we both rather not have it be like this for the majority of the time.”

Emily swallowed her bite and turned her head away, if only she could escape these cuffs and kill him. Oh who is she kidding, she is far too weak to do anything to him right now.

He sighed in disappointment and stood up from the chair, grabbing the empty water bottle he began to walk out the room.

“Emily” he said as he looked over his shoulder “I know you want to leave this bunker. I understand why you’d want to but… there is nothing out there for you. And I know you know that” Joseph looked her in the eyes before turning back around.

When he walked out the room she looked down at the floor. He’s right, she knows there nothing out there. No one is out there for her. But he’s wrong to think that she’d rather spend God knows how long in this bunker than fend for herself in a wasteland.


	2. Never Anger the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily and Joseph are still at odds with one another, and Emily's stubbornness and wrath will only make things worse for them both.

A few weeks had passed since she gave Joseph her real name and they somewhat had a routine by now; he would come in once or twice a day, or night she couldn’t tell what time it was anymore, to feed her and give her water. They both, surprisingly, started to get used to this new routine; but this didn't mean Emily liked the fact she had to see Joseph multiple times a day. 

By now he had moved her onto the bed so she wasn’t leaning uncomfortably against it; she still had her hands cuffed however, bandages over her wrists to ease the pain of the metal digging into her skin. The only time one of her hands became free was for her to eat or drink since she had regained some strength. Although, he would not allow her to do it herself every time; especially when he was angered by her and her stubbornness. Even during the moments where he’d let her use the bathroom she had to do it handcuffed, which was a struggle to say the least.

Emily had been staring up at the ceiling in boredom when she heard Joseph walking towards the room. She propped herself up on her elbow as he walked in, not shirtless surprisingly, and holding a towel. He set the towel next to her and began to uncuff one of her hands, “I think it’s about time you fully wash up. I may not appreciate your attitude and coldness but… You honestly smell like death.”

She agreed on one thing with him.

Once her hand was free she sat up, Joseph inside her personal bubble as usual.

"Give me your hands”

She ignored his request, only rubbing her sore wrists.

“Em-”

“Why?” She asked before he could speak again. He may have the upper hand when it comes to control down here but that doesn't mean Emily will submit immediately.

“You really think I’m going to let you walk around free? I’m not an idiot, Emily. I know you still hold onto your wrath against everything that's happened”

All she did was smile at that, seeing his jaw clench, which was something he did when he was tense; when his own wrath boiled at the surface.

“Now give me your hands.” He said in a lower warning tone. 

Emily sighed and held out her hands, the cuffs put tightly around her wrists which caused her to wince. Joseph grabbed her by the upper arm and helped her off the bed. Not having walked in weeks made her legs almost like jello when she stood, causing her to fall into him. His body didn’t move as he stabled her, still holding her arm; her face was against his shoulder when she fell into him, she hated every second of it. Every time he touched her it felt like fire in the sense that it always made her move further away from him; but she couldn't move away this time with the grip he had on her. And the fact she would face plant without support.

He stood her back up and helped her towards the showers. Emily looked around the bunker, she used to feel secure in this place but now she only feels anger and fear; wishing she could just run away from all of this. Joseph let go of her arm when they got to the showers, not once he spoke a word while he led her, he only looked ahead as his hand gripped her arm in a way that Emily was sure would leave a bruise or two. He walked over to a bag that was in the corner of the shower, probably full of clothes Dutch had-  _> Dutch...<_. She had forgotten about him over these last few weeks; she had forgotten everyone.

_> Dear God…what did Joseph do with his body?<_ 

She had zoned out thinking about Dutch when she felt her shirt tugged, the sound out something being cut.

“Hey!! What the fuck are you doing!” She yelled in surprise, her voice echoed throughout the bunker as she pushed Joseph away with her shoulder causing him to drop the scissors. “Why are you cutting- I can take off my own damn clothes!” Her face was red from both embarrassment and anger.

“CA-calm down, Emily” Joseph nearly yelled back in surprise as well, not expecting her to react so loudly, but kept his neutral tone. “You can’t take off your clothes while handcuffed. And those clothes are too dirty to ever be worn again.” He bent down and picked up the scissors.

She scoffed, taking a step away from him. “I am not,  _NOT_ , letting you cut off all my clothes. That’s just creepy! And embarrassing!”

He didn’t have much of a reaction besides from him shifting his weight on his feet, “There’s is nothing wrong with the human body, nothing to be embarras-”

“Nothing wrong?!” Her voice cracked a bit in that exclamation, “I don’t think many sane people would want some cult leader, twice their age, cutting off their clothing and seeing them buck ass nude!” Joseph just gripped the scissors tightly as she ranted, trying to interject but she didn’t allow him. “It’s bad enough I’ve seen you shirtless! God the times I just wanted to yell at you to put on a fucking shirt!!” Emily really hated him being shirtless, you’re around other people for God’s sake put on some clothes. “So you can uncuff me and let me do this shit alone! OOORRR you can take those scissors and shove-”

Joseph lunged at her, his arm across her chest as he pinned her to wall that nearly knocked the wind out of her; the scissors he carried against her abdomen.

“I would watch your mouth there, Deputy.” He whispered harshly, a rage in his eyes she hadn’t seen before. She never saw emotion in his eyes, they always seemed like he was just staring right into your soul. But this look, this look made her freeze, “I am TRYING to be kind to you! I’m TRYING to show you compassion even after you took EVERYTHING from me!” He words and tone were seething with anger, with wrath. “But yet you STILL try your hardest to bring out my hatred. My _sins_.”

Emily couldn’t hide behind a wall of pride anymore, her fear showed through as her wide and tearful eyes; she tried to wriggle away but he kept her pinned, though he had moved the scissors away. Joseph just stared into Emily eyes as that anger she just saw started to fade away; his anger was suddenly replaced with shame, or at least Emily thought it was shame, as he moved away from her. His eyes blinked as if his mind had drifted off and he just came back down to earth.

Emily slid down the wall and onto her rear, her already weak legs completely gave out.

She then heard the water from the shower head turn on, some of it sprinkling onto her as it hit the floor. Joseph squatted down next to her and began to cut off her shirt; she didn’t fight him against it this time, too shocked with just happened.

“I’m sorry” Joseph said in a shaky whispered, seeming to mean it.

Emily didn't look at him, her breathing quiet as if she was trying to hide from him. Once he got her shirt off and took off her pants much to her subtle protest, he covered her with a towel; Emily hope he didn't stare at anything.

Emily wished that was it but he made her turn a bit to get to unclip her bra, tossing it into a bag filled with her ruined shirt and pants. He glanced down then back up to her face, noticing how much she was blushing, “Nothing to be embarrassed by. And I won’t look at anything if that’s scaring you” He said quietly.

She didn’t look at him, only clutching to towel over her chest and lower body. Emily brought her legs up to her chest as his hand moved down to her underwear and she shook her head, cutting off her shirt was bad enough already for her. Joseph rested his weight on one knee as his eyes met hers; he didn't say anything but his eyes spoke for him. Emily turned her attention to the water as it went down the shower drain, moving her legs so he could slide off her underwear; he did it quickly to Emily's relief, not even he seemed to want to do this all too much.

He tossed the clothes into the bag, “Now wash up, I’ll be back” he said as he stood up, the bag in hand as he walked out the bathroom.

Emily watched him leave, putting her face in her hands, her breathing finally going to normal.

_> Why is this happening to me?< _

She lifted her head back up and stood, leaning against the wall for support; she walked under the water, having dropped her towel and closed her eyes. She just stood there with her hands against the wall, letting the water run down her and wash away the grime that she thought would never go away. When she looked down to open her eyes, she saw the dirtied water go down the drain, for the first time in months feeling clean.

“Emily.”

She let out a gasp and spun around, nearly slipping, not hearing him come back due to the sound of the shower. Joseph was holding some shampoo and conditioner, the type you’d find in a hotel so nothing expensive or overall high quality, his head turned away.

She grabbed the products and whispered, “thank you…”.

“You’re welcome” he replied, walking to the door but not leaving, but also not turning towards her. He kept his promise to not look, which Emily appreciated. Once she finished cleaning herself up and turned off the shower, she grabbed the towel and covered herself as best she could, not being able to wrap it around.

“Uh-um… can… can you help me?” She asked hesitantly.

He gave a quick glance back at her, “of course”. He walked over and helped wrap the towel around her, giving a soft smile as to ease her. “Do you want me to help you dress?”

“No” she answered quickly, still embarrassed by him undressing her.

Joseph nodded and walked her back to her room, having placed her new clothes on the bed.

“Just call for me when you need your shirt on, i'll uncuff you for that. Alright?” He asked, receiving a slight nod for her response. He gave her that soft smile again, the anger that she saw in his eyes earlier gone; as if it never happened. 

Emily walked over to the bed as Joseph left the room, looking at the clothes. He had laid out a long sleeve plaid shirt, a pair of black jeans, and some white boot socks. She dropped the towel on the ground and was able to put on her underwear, not without trouble of course, but when she picked up the sports bra he laid out, she sighed. Not wanting to call for him but knew she’d had to.

“Hey! I… i need you to uncuff me!” She yelled, not knowing where he went to. When he came back in, she held the plaid shirt over her chest. Joseph glanced down at it, uncuffing her hands and stepping back, turning around. Emily put on the sports bra that was on the bed before the shirt and pants, once she was done and he cuffed her hands back to the bed she laid on her side. Not without hesitation, Emily looked up at Joseph as he cuffed her hands; but he didn't look at her, maybe he was ashamed of his outburst? 

She closed her eyes once he left the room, wanting to just sleep forever but knowing he’d be back when it was time to eat. 

_>_ _Emily you idiot… yelling at a broken man… <_ 

It didn’t take long for her to drift back asleep, though, it would be a restless one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im actually excited to re write these stories tbh especially after the trailer for far cry new dawn. God I cant wait for that game


	3. Uneasy Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe time is all they need to form some sort of trust?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter, and a few others, are pretty short because they are basically just fillers of sorts. but anyway, enjoy.

3 months had past and by now Joseph started letting Emily walk around the bunker, not completely free but still better than being bound to that bed. It wasn’t his idea though, Emily had constantly asked, nearly begged, to be allowed to walk since her legs were basically like jello after sitting for so long. At least now she could wander around and not be bored out of her mind. Joseph still had her hands bound however; he didn’t trust her completely and she didn’t trust him. More of an uneasy truce for now.

She had wandered into the kitchen area, seeing Joseph cooking something on the stove. The light from the fish tank made everything have a blue tint to it, the color was calming to Emily; it reminded her of the sky and of the times she would go cloud gazing during times of peace.

Joseph heard her walk in and turned around before he turned his attention back to the stove, “I hope you like-” he picked up the can he used, “-refried canned beans cause that’s what I’m making.”

“I just hope it better than the other food you’ve made” she replied in a joking matter, seeing if he was in a good mood. Joseph kept going back and forth with his emotions, one moment he’s kind the next moment he’s pissed over something she said. Which in all fairness is to be expected, she did destroy everything he had and she also acted the same way to him. But his anger still terrifies her more than anything she faced fighting the cult.

She heard him let out a small laugh, which sounded more like a huff, “ Now my cooking isn’t  _that_  bad is it?” He gave her a subtle smile, looking back at her as she sat on the couch. 

Emily actually gave him a smile back, though it wasn’t a big one, “Are you trying to get rid of the gross food first so later on we can actually indulge ourselves to the great tasting…bunker food?”

“You’re one smart girl, Emily” he said with a chuckle, taking the pot off the stove and pouring it into two bowls, the smell of the food hitting Emily's nose. Didn't smell too bad, it actually reminded her of when she was first living on her own and had to buy cheap, easy food to cook. And refried beans were one of those foods; things were so much simpler back then.

He put it in the sink and turned off the stove as he seemed to mutter something to himself, “Though, indulging ourselves to all that food would be a sin...” he picked up the bowls and set them on the table, “come, sit down”.

Emily got up and walked over to the table, sitting back down on the old, creaky wooden chair. As he took off her handcuffs she looked at his face, no longer seeing the scars from months ago; she wondered about her own scars. She knew the ones on her body were somewhat healed or completely healed by now, but the ones on her own face? She didn't know, maybe she has a new badass scar she can show off, maybe her face was unscathed.

“You alright?” He asked as he stood by her, handcuffs set on the table.

She blinked twice before answering, “oh… yes I’m fine. I just zoned out...”

He nodded and sat down, holding out his hand for her; she only gave him a look of confusion.

He saw the look she gave him and sat up straight in his chair, hand still out towards her, “Will you pray with me?”

_> pray? Pray to what? Your murderous “god”?<_ 

She cleared her throat before answering. “I don’t pray… I’m not um… religious” she was reluctant to say that, her nerves getting to her as she tapped her fingers on her thigh.

“You’re… not?” He asked with a small but noticeable head tilt. “Even after all that’s happened?” He moved his hand away.

“That just- you know what… I’d rather not discuss this now, Joseph. Let’s just eat.” she said bluntly, picking up her spoon and taking a bite. 

Joseph gave her a quick full body glance, his expression clearly showed he was disgruntled by what she just said. He shook his head as if to ignore what happened and grabbed one of the other spoons, starting to eat too. They were both silent as they ate, the only sounds being of the generators and the fish tanks filter. Emily needs to watch what she says around Joseph, she has to survive down here with him and she isn't about to die to some off hand comment about her personal life or beliefs. Oh who is she kidding, she's too stubborn to not speak her mind.


	4. Best to Hold Your Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily should just keep her mouth shut sometimes.

The next morning, well assuming it was morning, Emily stretched and yawned as she woke. She had oddly gotten used to the restraints every night, no longer finding it uncomfortable; that or her arms just went numb at night and she can't feel the pain and soreness from the position she laid in at night. She looked over at her right side and nearly jumped off the bed if she wasn’t bound to it, letting out a gasp, “What the fu-?! Were you watching me sleep?!”

“Only for an hour” He said as if it wasn’t strange to do so.

“Why the fuck?!” She propped herself up on her elbow, clearly angry.

“I was going to wake you up, but you looked so peaceful. So peaceful for someone like you”

“Someone like-?” Emily glanced at his rosary that he always had with him, seeing that it was clutched in his hand. “What do you mean?” She looked back up at him.

“I couldn’t sleep knowing you don’t have faith. Knowing that your soul never found God’s light” he had that look in his eyes she saw every time he preached, well more like rambled, about God and the Voice. He lifted up his hands, cupping her cheeks gently. “I need to show you his light, Emily.”

She flinched at his touch, her heart starting to race as the fear of what he was planning got to her, “I’m… good…” was all she could say, trying to pull her face away.

“No. You’re not. And you never will be till you open yourself to God. To me.” His tone became darker as his eyes did too, Emily was probably seeing things or it may just have been the lighting but they were no longer that usual sky blue.

Emily gave him a look of ‘what the fuck you on about’, finally getting him to let go, “J-Joseph look… I know you want to help me but… you can’t. I wasn’t raised in a religious home, I never cared for religion or God… what makes you think I’ll suddenly believe in all that shi- stuff” 

_> holy shit, Emily, what the fuck are you doing? Trying to get yourself beat? Or worse, make yourself get preached to?<_

“Because i was right.” He sat up straight, gazing down at her. 

“Joseph-”

“Emily. You  _will_  accept God, accept  _me_ , into your heart. Willing or not.”

"I  _will_ _?_  You mean I can't even find his light on my own?"

"The thing is, Emily, I don't think you can. You need my help, I know you know that but you are just denying it. I will make you find and embrace His light-"

She narrowed her eyes, a sudden surge of bravery over took her, “You can try, Joseph. You may have been right about the collapse but I’m not praying to a wrathful so called god! And I’m not going to willingly love some weak man who used his siblings for his own gain!” She regretted every word she said but never stopped herself. “You are pathetic, Joseph! All you want is to have people drop to their knees and worship your pathetic ass! I-”

Joseph lunged at her, the chair he sat on kicked back onto the ground with a loud crash, his hand wrapped around and constricted her airway; Emily squirmed, her eyes going wide as she gasped for air. He leaned his face inches away from hers, getting on top of her to keep her still.

“What did I say about about running your mouth, Deputy?” His voice was cold and quiet, which was more terrifying than him yelling. “I’m really starting to think i need to punish you” Emily’s vision began to get blurry as her body cried for oxygen, her handcuffs rattling against the metal posts as she struggled to somehow free herself. “Oh how I’ve wanted to since the day the collapse came… but you should count yourself lucky” His grip became looser, allowing Emily to gasp for air.  “The Voice, the Lord, wants you alive…” He let go of her throat and sat up, still on top of her. 

The smirk that formed on his lips made Emily more uneasy than she already was, “You are here for a reason. I’ll be shown that reason soon.” He gave her a full body glance before he got off the bed and left the room.

All Emily could do was lie there and cough as air filled her lungs; her body shook as the fear she tried to hide came to the surface. Why can't she just keep her thoughts to herself? Why does she always put herself in these situations? Joseph has had the upper hand down here from the very beginning; yet, here she is. Yelling and insulting a broken man as she's restrained to a bed. She's going to get herself killed before she ever sees the outside again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my brain dont work no more, finals and stress are getting to me sdfghj


	5. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are still shaken between the two but Joseph always seems to forgive Emily pretty quickly. Now if Emily can just forgive him, and herself in a way too, maybe they can actually start the road to trust.

Emily hadn’t gotten a good nights rest ever since Joseph snapped at her, and this happened at least a month ago. Or maybe even more than a month ago? She didn't know anymore.

He had moved her off the bed after that day and onto the cold, uncomfortable floor, he even cut back on her food; obviously trying to teach her a lesson. It wasn’t the worst thing that he could’ve done or has already done. Since Emily awoke she’s heard Joseph walk around the bunker whistling and humming some Cult songs for the past hour. She knew an hour past because she counted the minutes that passed to keep herself as sane as she could; the music and singing never bothered her before but now it just reminded her of what has happened.

“Oh my god… just stop humming that damn song” she said in a whisper, not wanting him to hear her. She knew it didn’t take much now to make him ticked.

She rested her head against the metal pole of the bed frame, letting out a sigh of annoyance. She missed being able to walk around freely, or as freely as one could get down in a bunker with ones hands cuffed. When she thought he was far enough away from the room she began to yank against the cuffs with all the strength she had left, the metal clanking against the metal poles. She let out a small grunt on her last yank, getting tired of doing it and worried Joseph would hear. She didn't have the strength like she used to, not like she can break out of cuffs in general but she could have at least bent the metal pole slightly.

She looked up at the ceiling, “I wonder if anyone else survived?” she asked herself, still whispering. “Is it even safe to leave… when will I leave? How long is this bastard going to keep me hostage?" She glanced at the door to make sure he wasn’t standing there, and he wasn’t luckily. She wanted to ask him how long they would stay down here but didn’t know how’d he react. 

_> Maybe I can try to escape soon… But he has the key.. shit. If he just let me out of the restraints and he was distracted…<_ She heard him walk in.

His hair was down for once, having grown and gone past his shoulders; He wore a black short sleeve shirt and jeans, along with some socks since the floor was always cold down here. "You need anything?” He asked.

Emily stared at him for a moment, not wanting to have him help with anything, but, she really had to pee, “I uh… need to use the toilet …”

He walked over, uncuffing her and leading her to the bathroom; talking as they walked, “I’m guessing you have had time to think about your attitude and words these past few weeks?” He said this like a parent would to a child who just threw a tantrum over not getting a toy they wanted at the store. He also acted as if he didn’t try to choke her out and they just got into an argument; He seemed to get over things pretty quickly.

She rolled her eyes, but made sure he wouldn’t notice, and replied, “Yes. I have.”

Joseph replied with a grin, his tone almost lighter than she’s used to hearing, “Good.”

When Emily walked inside the bathroom she shut the door but didn't lock it, Joseph had a rule against locking doors. Even the room she wasn’t allowed into wasn’t locked. Maybe it was a test for her? Or maybe it was really a rule? Emily didn’t know any better.

Once she was finished and washed her hands, she walked out; she had a worried expression across her face as she looked up at Joseph who was leaning against the wall.

“Joseph… is it… is it too late to completely apologize? It’s just my mind has been going a mile a minute ever since… everything happened, so I’m very irritable. And I’m not thinking straight” She said this quickly, almost muttering it.

He gave her a head tilt, like one you’d give to someone you feel sorry for, his expression kind. “It’s never too late for an apology, my child” he smiled at her. She always felt his smiles were faked, as to give her a false sense of hope “I’m glad you understand that you can’t act like that around me”

She gave him a small smile back, which she basically had to force herself to do around him, and nodded. “So um… I really want us to live as normally as we can down here and I will pray with you whenever we eat… But I don’t want to hear anything else about God or… whatever” she said this quietly, not knowing how he’d react.

“Oh….” was all he said, his expression and tone seemingly void of emotion.

“I mean” she replied quickly as to try to fix the situation, “for now at least. Who knows, I may… I may finally understand. I may finally see.”

He didn’t respond for a good 30 seconds before he simply nodded, not seeming angry at what she said. He walked over and placed his hand behind her back, leading her to her room. Emily expected to be back on the ground, but she guessed her fake ass apology was believable since he sat her down on the bed before chaining her. “I’ll be back later when I’ve cooked dinner” he walked out the room, Emily smirking as he left.

_> If I can keep this up, maybe I can finally leave<_ she laid down and looked at the blanket on the bed, starting to count the dots on the sheet out of boredom.

 


	6. Kindness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After her mostly fake apology, Joseph seemed happier; giving her more free reign of the bunker and overall being kinder to her. Maybe it won’t be too bad down there after all?

“Emily. Emily wake up” Joseph said in a whisper, gently nudging her shoulder to wake her.

She let out a groan, not wanting to wake up yet; her eyes barely open as she looked at him, “wh…what?” She said in a croaky voice.

He smiled down at her, still having his soft tone, “I want to show you something.” He uncuffed her hands completely, putting the restraints on the table behind him.

Emily looked at her hands then back at him, surprised he would even do that.

“Come on” Joseph stood up, holding out his hand for her, which she hesitantly took.

“I was rummaging through the food storage and I found some things that you may like.” He lead her to the kitchen where she saw some pancakes, freshly made, sitting on some plates. She had smelled them before she walked in but thought she just went crazy. “It’s just some pancake mix but, it’s better than nothing I suppose”

Emily was essentially in awe, she hadn’t had food like this in… almost a year really. Granted it wasn’t homemade pancakes but still, she couldn't believe it. “Oh… wow um…”

Joseph had let go of her hand, letting her walk to the table.

“I guess you  _can_  cook, Joseph. What else did you make?” She walked over to the stove, seeing a pan with eggs. “Don’t we have a limited stock of these?” She asked looking over her shoulder.

“Yes. We do. But it’s better to use them before they go bad… if powdered eggs even go bad” he walked up behind her and reached over, grabbing the pan handle and picking it up. His chest was against her back, which made her tense up but she relaxed once he was at the table; she may be more comfortable now than she used to be but some things still made her uncomfortable.

“I’m guessing this isn’t going to happen often?” Emily asked, sitting down at the table.

“I don’t know.” He said honestly, putting away the pan and sitting down. “But let’s just focus on one day at a time. No need to worry about the future right now” he took her hand into his and said a quick prayer, which Emily joined in. She used to hate doing this but it gave her some form of comfort, it made things seem somewhat normal in a weird way. After the prayer he began to eat.

Emily began to eat as well, enjoying the meal he made. She found it strange to be content around him, it could be that she hasn’t fully awaken yet but she won’t complain for now. They talked somewhat while they ate, not wanting it to be completely silent as it usual is; not even the ever so patient Joseph can handle silence for long.

After they had finished Emily asked to clean up, having nothing else to do; Joseph appreciated it, kissing the top of her head and leaving the room to do something. Not really telling her what it was, though she didn’t dare to pry. She knows it's best to just forget the things he does otherwise it will eat her alive; she can't do much down here anyway. She finished cleaning up the dishes, setting them out to dry; letting out a breathy sigh she wiped her hands on her sweat pants she had on, not knowing what else to do.

“Is there even anything to do down here?” She asked herself having walked over to a cabinet in the room, opening it. 

“Hmm…” She saw 2 board games, a chess set, and some decks of cards.  _> Monopoly. The game that tears families apart, great choice for a bunker<_ she grabbed one of the card decks and closed the cabinet. She roamed around the bunker, staring down the hallway that leads towards the entrance.  _> It’s too early… too early… just be patient and try not to argue with him…<_ She laughed at herself  _> Oh man, that will be difficult<_

She walked back into the sitting area, plopping down in the chair next to the fish tank. She watched them swim around carefree, as carefree as a fish could get in a tank, her index finger against the glass following one of the fish around. 

“I wish I was you guys… unaware of all the shit that’s happened… just eating some fish flakes and swimming” She gave a genuine smile, although small, to her own comment; at least she had herself and some fish to hang out with down here.

\----

She didn’t even realize she had fallen asleep until Joseph nudged her, leaning over to look her in the eyes; strands of his hair falling over his face as he did this. “You sure do sleep a lot” he mentioned with a smirk on his lips.

Emily slowly sat up, yawning and twisting her torso to crack her back; the chair she was on was not comfortable to sleep in. “There isn’t much to do other than sleep…” She glanced down at her hands  “hm… I kind of thought you’d restrain me in my sleep. Why did you take them off anyway?”

She looked back up at him, seeing he sat down across from her. He never sat directly next to her, she wasn’t sure if it was because he knew she was still skittish or that even he didn’t want to sit next to her. Either way, Emily was glad. “Today was like a test of sorts” he leaned back in the chair. “You’ve been in those cuffs for… I don’t know, 4 months at least? Maybe longer. And since it’s been a few weeks since our last… outburst, I think you deserve this” he put his hands in his lap “But I’ll still keep an eye out for you”

She nodded in agreement, “fair enough" she glanced down, "Oh wait. I nearly forgot” she picked up the deck of cards that had fallen onto the floor. “I was wondering if you’d uh, want to play some go fish or something?” She held them out towards him.

An almost loving expression replaced his usual neutral one a he nodded and took the cards, taking off the rubber band that bound them to shuffle around. “I haven’t played go fish in I don’t even know how long”

“Me either. More of a solitaire type of girl.” she quipped

They each got the 7 cards, putting the others in the deck on the table. Emily brought her legs up onto the chair, actually relaxing as they played the game. A noticeable smile on her face.

“I wish I could see that smile more often. It suits you” he said with a grin.

Emily’s smile grew and she looked away, a light blush showing on her cheeks; mostly from embarrassment. “Umm, well” she let out a small cough to clear her throat, “maybe you will” her grin was still on her face when she looked back up, to which Joseph kept his smile too.

They played the card game for a good hour, playing at least 4 rounds. They talked as well, having a normal conversation about normal stuff; they tried their best to keep it light. After the last round, to which Emily won all but one, they cleaned up the cards and plates, since they had gotten some food to eat after the second round, and walked out the room. They both walked their own way.

Emily actually found some paper and pencils to draw with, so that’s what she did for a few hours. Emily never found herself to be an exceptional artist, she definitely was not Picasso, but she was always happy with the results. She didn’t know what Joseph was doing, but didn’t care to ask. When she finished drawing she stood up and hid the papers in one of the bookshelves, wiping her hand on her shirt to get any of pencil graphite off it. She yawned and stretched her back, glancing around the room before walking out with a sigh; she needs to figure out more things to do down here besides eat and sleep, but she's always sleepy down here.

Both Emily and Joseph were going to their rooms at the same time; It can get boring when its only you awake in a boring old bunker.

Emily got to her door and turned to Joseph who was going into the room he’d been sleeping in, the one with the better beds. “Thank you… for everything today… I really hope it can just stay like this” She genuinely meant it, especially since he wasn't cuffing her hands tonight.

Joseph looked over to her, his hand on the door handle, “I do to. Goodnight, Emily”

“Goodnight, Joseph” She walked into her room, hearing Joseph go into his.

_> I actually enjoyed today… maybe… maybe he does have a good heart-<_ she rolled her eyes at her own thought, plopping down on the bed.  _> he is not a good man, Emily. What the Hell are you thinking… don’t fall for him<_ She laid down on her back, staring up at nothing,  _> get him to trust you… get him to feel comfortable. Not the other way around<_ she pulled the blanket over her, glad to finally be free of those restraints.  _> Don’t let him win<_ 

She stared at the dull light above her, turning it off before closing her eyes; eventually falling asleep to the sounds of the bunker generators.


	7. Sense of Normality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a good 5 months, at least that’s how much time Emily think has passed, the both of them have been able to keep things calm around each other. Not everything good can last forever though.

Emily and Joseph were both sitting in the living room area to relax.; Joseph was reading a random book he found on the shelf, he didn’t particularly enjoy it but it was something to do, while Emily was looking through some vinyls that she found in a cabinet, not having heard music in a long time.

“Hey, Joseph? Can I ask a question?” She stop searching through the box, looking over at him.

“Of course” he replied not looking up from his book.

“Do you remember when the first vinyl was created? Cause you’re like really old right?” She said with a smirk, still looking over at him. Emily had gotten a sliver of her humor back, and she was proud that Joseph found it entertaining

“I- alright” he said with a chuckle “I’m not _that_ old” he peered at her behind he book, turning a bit to face her as she sat behind the chair he was in.

“Well, anyone over 30 is basically ancient so” she went back to searching through the music.

“Aren’t you 30?” He kept his body turned in the chair.

Emily looked almost offended when he said that, laughing a bit, “I am only like 28 thank you very much, so I’m not ancient yet”

Joseph chuckled again, turning his attention back to his book.

She got tired of searching through music shes never heard of before and picked a random one, standing up. She put the vinyl on the player hearing the static as the needle touched the record before it began playing; a smooth female voice becoming audible.

- _There’ll be bluebirds over_

_The White Cliffs of Dover_

_Tomorrow_

_Just you wait and see-_

Joseph stopped reading his book, finding the voice familiar as if he's heard another song from this singer; but he eventually ignored his thoughts. He brought his attention back to Emily, who was listening to the music with a content smile on her face and her eyes watching the record spin.

Emily heard Joseph stand up, glancing over at him; she saw him standing there with his hand held out to her.

“Care to dance?” He asked

_> Oh boy< _She stared at him for a moment, “No thank you, Joseph I uh… I’ve never danced before so…”

“Just follow my lead then. We aren’t doing the tango” he said this in a joking but comforting tone.

Emily shyly took his hand, being gently pulled closer to him. They may have been kind to each other but she still was uncomfortable being this close, but she tried to ignore it. She didn’t want to do something to make him upset.

Joseph wasn’t holding her hand anymore, instead his arms were around her waist. He kept his arm loose, his cheek resting against her head.

Emily had her one arm tucked in against her chest, to mostly keep some distance from him; her other arm, however, was draped around his shoulder having no where else to put it. As much as she hated this, she also somewhat enjoyed it. She hadn’t felt any sort of physical affection of any kind in months, they had kept a respectful distance until now. And if she had to get it from the mad man she was stuck with, then she’d suck it up.

They kept dancing for about 3 songs, them all being slow and romantic sounding; both had their eyes closed, Emily’s head against his shoulder. Once the 3rd song was over Joseph opened his eyes and stopped dancing, looking down at her. 

“Emily?”

“Hm?” She looked up at him, his arms still around her and her arm still draped around his shoulder. Her eyes were kinda droopy since she’d almost fallen asleep on him; she was giving herself a lecture in her mind about not getting close to him, yet here she was.

“I’m glad we’ve been able to get closer while down here. It gives me faith” he said this in a soft whisper.

“Faith? About what?”

“About the future. We still have a long time to spend down here and now I know we can make it together” he had taken a step back from her, his hands cupping her cheeks.

“Joseph… how long are we staying down here again?” She had finally built up some courage to ask this.

"7 years” he moved his hands away from her cheeks.

A fearful look in her eyes suddenly appeared as her voice cracked, “w-what? I-I thought we were only staying down here for like a year or something.” She moved away from him, that sense of normality she built up lately quickly fading away at the realization.

“Did you ever listen to my teachings, Emily?” He sounded a little insulted.

“No! I mean- kind… of… I don’t know, I’ve forgotten a lot of stuff... Joseph we can’t stay down here for that long!”

“We have no choice, my child.” whenever she is treading on thin ice, he uses that nickname as a way to warn her to basically shut it or else. 

“I-gah, I know that… but… hmph. Never mind. I’m just gonna- I’m gonna go to bed now…” She stopped the music and walked out the room, clearly irritated at the fact that he expects her to stay down here this long.

Joseph sighed, looking up towards the ceiling as to get some wisdom on what to do or say, “I pray that she finds your light soon, my Lord.” He closed his eyes “but what can I do to make her see…?" He opened his eyes a minute or two later and walked out the room, looking in Emily’s room to see her laying in bed.

"I pray that her sins leave her soul so that she’ll be pure once again...”


	8. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Few days have passed and Emily’s stupidity hits a new high.

“I can’t hold back anymore, Emily. The Voice is getting more insistent.” he has basically trapped Emily in her room, clearly upset that she hasn’t been listening to him.

“Joseph, just let me through. Its been a week and your still mad about what i said? ” she really had to use the bathroom and she’s about to push him out of the way if he doesn’t move soon.

He folded his arms, “Don’t make me restrain you to the bed again. You have no choice in this matter, so sit-”

“I _really_ have to piss, Joseph, so let me do my business and I’ll listen to your stu- your teachings” she folded her arms too as they basically had a staring contest.

He narrowed her eyes at her before moving out of the way with a scoff, letting her go to the bathroom.

As she did her business, she kept thinking to herself  _> He’s going to make me listen to those damn sermons… He’s going to go on for hours about shit that I don’t believe in<  _She washed her hands, staring at where the mirror would be if Joseph hadn’t taken them down. He didn’t want her to ‘fall into vanity, or pride” while down in the bunker. Which she found to be bullshit.  _> I won’t make it through his talking… No. No I can. I can. Just… Just act like your listening but zone out the entire time. And if he asks you what he just said just say something about how you could never say it as well as him< _She tried to calm herself down and just play along. Yeah they may have been great this past months but she still had her fire in her to fight back.

She walked into the hallway and stopped. A sudden surge of bravery, and stupidity, over taking her as she realized she was closer to the bunker entrance than he was. 

 _> Fuck it<_ she turned around and booked it to the bunker door. Joseph soon following her.

“EMILY!” His voiced boomed through the bunker as he chased after her.

Once she got to the door she tried to open, using her shoulder and hands to push against the heavy metal door. She knew that she needed the key Joseph had but she might as well try it once without it. She knew what she just did was probably the stupidest thing she’s ever done down here, and she’s done a lot of stupid things, but there's no backing down now.

She felt Joseph grab her by the back of her shirt, forcefully pulling her back and throwing her to the ground. She landed on her side with a thud as her head hit the floor, groaning and rolling onto her back, looking up at Joseph who stood over her; her vision blurred as she looked up at the blurry figure of Joseph who loomed over her.

Emily let out a breathy giggle, “We had a good run, Joseph. A few months of peace, huh? It was nice, I will admit, but i’d rather-”

“Shut it.” He commanded, giving her a glare she hasn’t seen in awhile. “I don’t know what took over you to do this stupid act, but it’s time for my teachings. And I have much to say.” He bent down to grab her by the arms but Emily slapped his hands away; he flinched, mostly not suspecting her to do that.

“I really don’t want to list-ow! Let go!” Joseph had grabbed her by her hair and basically dragged her to where he had been sleeping. She kicked her legs the whole way, her hands gripping his wrist of the hand that had her hair. Her fighting didn’t do much against him though, other than just making it more painful. When they got to the room he let go of her and slammed the door, which Emily flinched at. He locked it and looked over at her with one hand gripping the door handle and the other balled up into a fist.

Emily heard the familiar sounds of the handcuffs and quickly looked up, her hair having fallen over her face, “H-hey um… maybe you can just… put those away” she had grown use to being free and grew somewhat of a fear and hatred of those cuffs.

“Maybe if you weren’t so stubborn we wouldn’t be in this situation” he walked towards her.

Emily had crawled backwards and up against the wall, “I am not having those put back on!” She wanted to get further away but couldn’t, “I swear to god, Joseph, I-I will beat you if you come any closer”

He stopped in his tracks, slowly blinking. “I doubt that very much”. 

He was right.

He crouched to her level, “You are just hiding behind your ego, Emily. Your pride. I know you are scared. No need to hide it, because it’s just going to get worse. And I don’t want you to always be scared of me, I only do this because you were disobeying”

“I’m not scared I just… I just don’t like being restrained anymore"  _> Real believable lie there, Emily<_

“Mhhmm” he grabbed one of her wrists, her free hand trying to pull his hand off. His grip was tight.

“I promise I’ll sit and listen! Just please… I’ve been tied up enough, I know what I did was stupid and I don’t know why I did it… OK, I know why, I wanted to see if I could open it without the key. I would rather go out there than listen to your sermons for 12 hours straight” she said this all quickly, going back and forth between being sorry to justifying her actions.

“I thought you were smarter than this. Thinking you’d could just run off...” he put the cuff around her wrist tightly, the metal digging into the old wounds on her wrists; he began dragging her to the bed pole, restraining her to it. “But I think you’ll learn your lesson. You have a lot to learn, my child”

He sat down in front of her with her elbows resting on his knees as he leaned towards her, “Now, where do we begin?”

Emily yanked on the handcuffs, cursing him under her breath as he started his sermon; she can't handle his sermons, she couldn't even when she was fighting the cult. But, she knew it would be a long time, so she stopped resisting and rested her head against the pole. Hoping that she’d just fall asleep and not have to listen. 

But he wouldn’t let her.

He forced her to stay awake; she only slept when he did. He barely gave her food, he rarely let her use the restroom. He forced her to hear his teachings and hear that she was the cause of this; the cause of all the bad that’s happened before and after the collapse. It’s her fault. The biggest mistake she ever made was going into his church and taking him away. 

Because of that mistake she killed his family and her own. All she does is hurt people and herself. 

He knew how to break her. He was just holding back before; hoping that someday she’d come around on her own. But it's too late now; she _will_ find His light whether she wants to or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for a shitty time and mental breakdowns :^)


	9. Sea of Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily can’t fight back anymore; Joseph found her weakness and used it to chip away at her sanity. Her old self is being left behind.

The sounds of birds chirping woke up Emily, the light of the sun nearly blinding her as her eyes slowly opened; she shaded her eyes with her hand and sat up. As she sat there she ran her fingers through the blades of green grass, they were warm to the touch as the sun hit the ground below. The trees swayed softly in the wind, the birds chirping happily as they seemed to dance around in the sky. Everything was calm and happy, but that didn't sit right with Emily.

“Oh, good, you’re awake! ” said a familiar voice coming from behind her, turning around she saw Sharky walking up to her in his familiar jacket.

“Huh? How are you- how are we-” she couldn’t finish any of her thoughts and questions, too confused on what was even happening.

Sharky grinned at her, plopping down with his arm around her “confused after your nap? I feel ya” he ruffled her hair. “We had a rough couple of days, haven’t we? Fightin’ some peggies, kickin’ ass, gettin’ our asses kicked”

“...Yeah…” She looked around the area, fixing her hair. She looked to her right, seeing the Rye’s; her eyes lit up in joy and her anxiety seemed to float away in the wind when she saw her goddaughter in Nicks arms. She always adored that baby.  

“Emily, you want to hold her?” asked Nick

She smiled and nodded, holding out her her arms for the child; she held her close when she was gentle placed into her arms. She hadn’t felt this peaceful ever since she started fighting the cult, it was as if the world stopped as she stared down at the child. She looked up to Sharky as she was about to ask a question, "Hey, wheres H-".

Her calmness was quickly replaced with her normal fear as the world seemed to actual stop. It was as if she had just gone deaf suddenly, there were no birds singing, no distant sounds; she couldn’t even hear the wind through the trees. Everyone around her didn’t seem to notice however. 

Before she could speak again a bright flash suddenly appeared, turning everything to white for a few seconds as she held the child in her arms close to her chest in a protective matter. All she could feel was heat, but it wasn’t a searing heat; it felt more like when you opened the oven door and the escaping heat would brush by your face for a second. She blinked a few times before everything came back. A look of terror replaced her concerned one. Everything was on fire, and if it wasn’t on fire, it was completely gone or flattened; the sky was an orangish-red color, the air thick with smoke.

“Oh my god…” She was starting to panic, not knowing what was happening. She looked down at the child that she had in her arms; it was just a skeleton with bits of boiled flesh; she screamed at the sight and dropped the child, her breathing rapid as the adrenaline began to kick in. When she tried to stand up her legs gave out, as if they were broken; but she felt no pain. She glanced over to her left, noticing a burnt body. Her eyes widened as it’s eyes opened and looked at her. When it’s arm moved she tried to move away but couldn’t, it grabbed her forearm, leaning it’s face closer to hers.

“Why couldn’t you save us?” It’s voice was low and gravely, but she knew it was Sharky; she just didn’t want to admit it was. She didn’t want to accept that his death, all their deaths, were the cause of her actions. But it was like her mind was trying to make her to. She pushed them away, seeing the bodies of Nick and Kim in the grass next to her; they seemed to have died in each others arms. She could feel the tears in her eyes and them falling down her cheeks as she tried to catch her breath, her throat and lung seeming to constrict. She crawled away from them, from the bodies of her loved ones.

"Wh-why...? Wh..." she couldn't think clearly, her mind seeming to cloud like the smoke around her. She suddenly heard a voice from behind her and the cocking of a pistol. 

“Everyone you try to help winds up worse off...That's what happens to the weak.”

When she turned her head to see who spoke, she only saw the flash of a barrel and the sound of a gun. And in those moments of darkness, she saw flashes of her old friends; of how they most likely died. Kim cowering as she held her child, Nick trying to save them. The Whitetails not making it to their bunker. Sharky, Boomer, Peaches, Jess, Grace, everyone; dying a painful death because Emily couldn’t put aside her pride and wrath for one choice.

Emily opened her eyes, finally awaking, to the dull light of the bunker. She was breathing heavily, her heart pounding in her chest as tears filled her eyes; she could swear she felt blood dripping down her forehead. She tried to not cry but couldn’t, biting her lip as she began to sob, not wanting Joseph to hear as he laid only a few feet away from her on his bed.

_> If I just walked away… they died because of me… I could be home… Maybe with my family… my fault... I can't protect anyone...< _She wasn’t as quiet with her sobs as she wanted to be having woken up Joseph. She didn’t want him to see her this weak, to see her vulnerable, but she also wanted comfort.

“Emily?” Joseph sat up on the bed, barely awake. When he finally realized what was happening he went over to her, “Emily, what’s wrong?” He had a concerned look in his eyes and voice.

She refused to look at him, wiping her tears away on her arm; she sniffled, her breathing shaky as she tried to calm herself.

“Emily…” He placed his hand on her cheek, making her face him; her eyes were red and puffy, “Did you have a nightmare?”

Emily nodded, trying to speak but just ended up crying more. Seeing them again, even if it was in her dream, made her to remember everything. By this point she had been living in her own little world, not wanting to remember how they all died. How they all died because of her actions.

_Your friends have been taken and tortured, and it’s your fault. Countless people have been killed, and it’s your fault._

Joseph's words echoed in her mind just as they did in the bunker as he taught His word, they were the only thing she could hear inside her own head; not even her own conscious could be heard.

Joseph had undone the restraints, her hands falling into her lap as he brought her into a hug. One side of her found the hug comforting, the other half of her wanted to push him away; not knowing how to react she just cried into his shoulder. He didn’t say anything, just letting her get out her tears.

“Shhh shh. I know the dream must’ve been terrifying” he voice wasn’t more than a whisper, his tone soothing her. His cheek was resting against the side of her head as she cried, never moving away with his embrace.

She eventually calmed down, taking a deep and shaky breath. “It's my fault…” She muttered.

Joseph sat up, cupping her face in his hands, “You are not a bad person, my dear Emily. You can still be forgiven. You can still be saved”

She looked at him with tired, puffy eyes, “I-I… I can’t”

“You will. It will be a tough road for you. But you will be whole again. We can be the family I have seen in my visions-” he wiped away a tear with his thumb “-just put your faith in me as I will to you”

Emily tilted her head into one of his hands, her eyes closing. She couldn’t fight it anymore, she wanted to be close to someone; she wanted to be comforted, especially now. His touch was only harsh when she fought him, she was the cause of her pain. As she was the cause to others.

Joseph smiled and kissed the top of her head, helping her up and onto the bed, “Just sleep, Emily. I’ll be right here if you need me” he covered her with a blanket before getting into his own bed.

Emily watched him, her eyes barely open as she wiped her hand of her forehead and looked at her fingers; but there was no blood. She looked back at Joseph who glanced at her before closing his eyes to go back to sleep. 

As she watched him, all she could think about was that she wanted to be saved, she wanted to be whole again. But a voice in the back of her mind was screaming at her to not fall for him, don’t listen to his honeyed words for its all lies. Don’t let him win.

But it was as if her own conscious became muffled as it seemed to drift away. It was like she was trying to stay afloat along a sea of madness, a sea of bliss; that at any moment she’ll go under. And who knows if she’ll ever come back to the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im kind to my ocs, trust me


	10. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily finds comfort in the man who she once despised.

Emily woke up before Joseph and sat up in the bed. She looked over at him before getting off; not wanting to wake him she walked as quietly as she could, rubbing her eyes and yawning. All that crying left her head hurting; so she went to get some water in the kitchen area.

She kept remembering what happened last night, her dream, her sobs, Joseph’s comfort. She hates to admit it but she didn’t want him to stop holding her, she wanted to fall asleep in his arms. This was the first time she felt, or allowed herself to feel, his gentleness. She was so reluctant to accept him that all she felt was his anger.

“It’s… all my fault” she whispered to herself as she took a drink of water, sitting down on the chair next to the fish tank. 

She sat there for awhile, staring at the wall in front of her as thoughts raced through her mind. She asked herself why she was so reluctant, why did she fight against him so much? He was only trying to help her, to save her.

She had forgotten the water was in her hand, dropping it onto the floor; since she put the water into a glass cup, one of only a few that was down there, it shatter on impact. It was loud, snapping her back to reality. “Fuck, fuck fuck-” she quickly got up, not really thinking in the moment and picking up some of the bigger shards to throw them away.

Joseph had walked in moments later, having woken up due to the sound of the glass, he looked worried, “Emily what happened?”

“I-I’m sorry, Joseph. I don’t- I don’t know what happened, I-” her voice was shaky, she didn’t know why but she was nervous. Her emotions were all over the place.

He rushed over to her and took her hands, making her drop the shards of glass. “Emily, it’s fine. It’s just a glass cup” he looked at her hands “Oh, my dear, you’re hurt” he helped her up, his hands cradling hers.

Emily didn’t even notice the blood on her hands until he pointed it out “…I’m sorry…”

When they got to the medical room he sat her down on the cot, grabbing some gauze and hydrogen peroxide to clean the cuts.

“Emily-” He sat down on the stool that was in the room and started to wipe away the blood on her hands “-There is nothing to apologize for.” he poured some of the peroxide on the cuts, which caused her to wince.

She looked away from him, “not about the glass…”

“Hm?”

“About everything… I should’ve left when I had the chance. I fucked everything up”

Joseph stopped cleaning her cuts, looking up at her in silence.

“You were just trying to save others…” that voice in the back of her head was screaming at her again but it was fainter than before. She was drowning in that sea of bliss, going deeper and deeper.

“Yes…” He kept staring at her, leaning in a bit as he finished with her cuts, wrapping them up with a gauze.

“Trying to save me… my... my stubbornness kept me from your family” she glanced down at her wrapped hand before looking up at him. He was close. But it didn’t bother her like it would in the past.

“Our family.” He whispered as he kissed her forehead; he stood up to throw away the cotton he used to clean her wounds, Emily watching him do so.

_> he’s kind to me… he’s accepted me even after all I’ve done… All his anger was because of me<_

“Joseph?” She stood up from the cot

He looked at her “yes?”

“Can we ever be a family? Even after everything I’ve done to you” she was scared to ask this, scared that he would somehow say no.

“Of course” he stepped towards her, place his hands on her shoulders, looking her in the eyes “I’ve seen us as one in visions, we were happy… and while I wish the others could be here with us; I know their deaths were part of something larger than ourselves.”

She slowly nodded, “but they’ll always be with us in spirit?”

“Of course”

She didn’t know how to feel about that, she wanted her old friends to be with her; but not so much his family.

“Now, I’m going to clean up the mess and make some breakfast. Why don’t you go wash up?” He placed a hand on her cheek before leaving the room.

Emily stood there for a moment before heading towards the showers, picking up a towel on her way. She hadn’t showered in a week at least; her dirty hair up in a messy bun made it a little harder to tell though. She turned on the water; standing under it for a few minutes before sitting down, letting it wash over her. She didn’t want to do anything but have Joseph reassure her everything will be fine. She wanted him to cradle her in his arms while her troubles, her fears, floated away in the stagnate bunker air. By the time she finished washing up, getting dressed, and walking into the kitchen the food was on the table. It wasn’t anything special, but she couldn’t care less, she’s fine with anything at this point. Joseph gave her a warm smile as she walked in, a smile to assure her everything was normal, that everything would be ok down here. Emily didn't smile back though, she couldn't. But Joseph understood, pulling out the chair for her to sit and pushing it back in when she did. Emily watched him sit down, meeting his eyes as he looked up at her. He held out his hand for her which she took for a prayer; it was a short prayer, he prayed for Emily, for guidance for the both of them. That they would find comfort and faith in each other, and to walk hand in hand into the garden.

Emily prayed to herself; something she has never done in her life. She wanted hear Gods word just as Joseph does, she doesn't want to be blind anymore.

_> He saved me. I wish he saved me earlier<_


	11. curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily has lost track of time but knows it has been awhile since she's accepted Joseph into her heart; she no longer flinches at his touch but rather, she enjoys it. She wants to be close to him and far away from her old self.

The soft sound of music coming from the record player set a warm ambiance as they ate dinner, it has been calm these last few months, or Emily hopes its been months, and she's been enjoying Josephs company. And he has enjoyed hers.

She was mid chew when she looked up and saw Joseph just staring at her; It wasn’t an angry one though, but a sorta concentrated one. Like if someone was trying to figure where they’ve seen you before. He still had his fork in his hand but he ate no food.

She finished her bite, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Oh, um” he blinked, not realizing he even was, or that she even noticed. “It’s nothing, my dear”

My dear. He’s been calling her that much more lately. Emily doesn't know why he calls her by that nickname but she enjoys it better than 'my child'.

Emily glanced at Joseph’s right arm, seeing that tattoo of his late wife, “Joseph?”

“Yes?”

“Have you ever loved someone other than your wife? And not like… family love but romantic…wise…”

He seemed almost hesitant to answer, looking down at his food, “… no, I haven’t” he glanced up. “Have you ever loved someone?”

she shook her head, “…no”  _> yes.<_

He gave a small nod before taking another bite of his meal.

“Where do you think you’d be if your wife had lived?”

He glanced at his tattoo then up at her, not really expecting such a question. “Well… I’m not entirely sure. I’d like to think we’d raise our child and be a happy family. Maybe I would’ve still created Edens Gate with her and my child by my side.” He was staring down at his food again “Jacob and John would’ve adored them” he set down his fork.

Emily shifted in her seat and remained silent, knowing what was to come.

Joseph pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes shut tightly as he let out a short sigh.

Emily glanced around, getting nervous with his silence; she went to take a small bite of her food when he stood up quickly.

“I’m done eating... Just... clean up everything when you’re done” his voice had no emotion to it, but she could tell how tense he was; his jaw clenched as he walked out.

Emily said a quiet okay in response, holding her fork near her mouth but not taking the bite.  _> Why do I ask him these questions that only make him remember everything that’s happened?<_ was all she could ask herself  _> I always make him angry…< _

She finished eating and cleaned everything up, turning off the music and heading into the hallway; the bunker became eerily quiet. She passed by the room that she wasn’t allowed into, her footsteps echoing through the bunker; she really wanted to look inside but was scared. Joseph warns her not to enter that room; but her curiosity always gets the best of her.

She was about to walk away when she heard a crackle; It sounded like a radio of sorts. 

 _> what?<_ She thought she was just hearing things but it happened again, and this time she swears she heard a voice through the static; there's no way this was real. Her breathing stopped in anticipation as she stepped towards the door, placing her hand on the handle to see if she heard what she thought she heard. She was about to turn it when she heard Joseph walk quickly up to her and pull her hand away harshly; pushing her back against the door as he stared down at her in both annoyance and disappointment. Emily wouldn’t look at him even though he was inches away, she couldn't handle seeing the disappointment in his eyes.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He whispered.

“I was–I was walking by and… I thought I heard a radio…” 

“A radio? A voice? You sure about that?" he let go of her wrist and moved back

"Y-... no... no im not... but it seemed real" she glanced up at him

He looked her up and down before speaking, "don't go into the room without my permission, Emily. Understand?"

She nodded before quickly walking to her bed in the room they shared, not wanting to annoy him anymore.

 _> I didn’t hear anything…<_ She sat down on the bed, hearing Joseph walk away.  _> … I did hear something…<_ 

She shook her head and rubbed her temples, her eyes shut; she wanted to go into the room but she didn’t want to be punished for not following the rules. Emily flopped onto her back with a sigh, looking up at the bed that hung above her on the bunkbed. “I should apologize…” She muttered.

She got up and went to look for Joseph; slowing down next to that room but eventually walking past it.  _> he’ll let me in one day…<_

She went towards the showers to check, she didn’t hear any of the showers on so she didn’t expect to see him but she also didn't know where he went exactly; and its not like there's much room to go down here. But as she turned into the room, she saw him. And she saw more than she wanted or planned to.

He had just turned the shower on when she walked him, her eyes going wide and her cheeks red with blush as she let out a quick squeak, immediately covering her eyes. “I’m sorry!!”

He jumped not expecting her to come in, covering himself with his hand, his other hand turning off the shower “Emily, what are you doing?” If Emily looked at him she would see he had a light blush on his cheeks as well.

“I–I uh… I um wanted to apologize and I didn’t expect you… to be in here” she kept her hands over her eyes.

“Oh…” He looked around for a towel “I’ll be out in a few minutes just… just wait in the sitting area”

She nodded and went where he said to go, waiting till he finished. She was still embarrassed by walking in on him and wouldn’t look him in the eyes when he came into the room a few minutes later.

Joseph sat next to her, his hair still wet from the shower. “So... you wanted to apologize?”

“O-oh yeah… um” she cleared her throat, hesitantly looking at him, “I’m sorry for… wanting to go into the room. I just thought I heard a voice and a radio… a-and a part of me wanted to know if we really are alone now.”

“You don’t trust my word?”

“I do. But there’s this constant voice in the back of my mind that tells me to run… and i can’t shut it up” she sighed

“You have to ignore that, my dear. Those are your sins, your tainted soul trying to keep you from my light. From my love.” He took her hands, which she was fidgeting with as she apologized.

She nodded in response, “my sins will never leave me though…” she glanced down at her chest, remembering the ‘wrath’ scarred into her skin.

“Your sins will leave you. You will be pure once more with my help.” 

"You always forgive me”

He kissed her cheek “forgive, and you shall be forgiven” he said softly.

She turned her head away when he kissed her cheek, the blush coming back to her cheeks, a smile appearing on her lips. It never took much affection to make Emily flustered.

He smirked as she blushed and stood up, patting the top of her head before walking out the room.

Emily watched him leave the room, her smile lowering but her cheeks still pink.  _> I’ve been blind to his word… he’ll help me see<_


	12. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph can’t help but be reminded of someone he loved whenever he looks at Emily. And Emily can’t stop herself for falling for him.

_Bless the name of those who have dealt you blows. Be grateful to those who have caused you harm. For it is these sufferings that have lead you to me_

These words ran through her mind day and night. Joseph has said this to her multiple times before whenever she questioned things; and that happened often. All the pain she felt, all the pain that happened to her either by others or by her own choices, led her to Joseph. Led her to a man who would accept her no matter what and would build her back up from the ground, make her pure. All she wanted was to be whole, to be pure again.

Emily was cleaning a cut Joseph received while cooking; he was distracted today. Distracted by her for a reason she couldn’t figure. As she cleaned the wound, which was deep enough to need a small wrap, she noticed he was staring at her again. Well, more like gazing over her and she didn't know how to really feel about it. But she put that to the side and focused on his wound, securing the bandage and gave his hand a small pat as to say she’s done, to which Joseph smiled at. She found his smiles to be charming and genuine now.

Joseph took her face into his hands, just gazing into her eyes. He seemed like he wanted to say something as his lips parted ever so slightly but instead he just brought her into an embrace; which she reciprocated. He didn’t say anything, just burying his face into the crook of her neck and closing his eyes.

They stayed like this for awhile.

Emily eventually moved away, Joseph kissing her cheek as she did.

“Want me to finish cooking? Or are you not going to be distracted this time?” Emily asked as she stood up.

“Depends”

“Depends?”

“Are you going to be in the room?” He said with a smirk

Emily rolled her eyes with a laugh “Guess I’ll cook, but be warned! I’m really bad.”

\----

After some searching in the storage area, Emily had actually found some powdered soup mix. It seemed simple enough for her to cook. But ironically she was distracted by Joseph who had been talking about some dreams, or visions, they were basically the same at this point, he had. She nearly burned the soup as she listened to him; she didn’t even think that was possible, but anything is possible with Emily.

He kept talking about his dreams throughout dinner, but Emily didn’t mind; she found them to be interesting as there wasn't much going on in the bunker anyway. She's much rather hear him talk for hours about little things than be alone with her thoughts, or alone in general. She can't handle being alone anymore.

Once they finished eating, Emily washed the dishes as Joseph laid on the couch with his hands under his head, staring up at the roof.

“Emily… I need to be honest with you.”

She looked back at him as she washed.

“You…” He seemed hesitant, which was unlike him “You remind me of my late wife…”

Emily was taken back by that, not really knowing how to react; nearly dropping the dish she had in her hand, “Um… how do I…? How...Do I look like her?”

“…a little yes, but it’s your kindness, your gentleness... your faith” he sat up, looking over at her as she turned back to clean the dishes.

“My faith…? I question your teachings a lot. I doubt she’d question you” Her hand began to fumble with the dishes, her nerves slowly floating to the surface.

“You are still on the path, yes. But you’ve come so far, the faith we have in each other is strong. And it grows stronger every day” he had walked up and hugged her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder. “You know about the visions I’ve had with the two of us”

She nodded, looking down at the dishes in her hands as Joseph wrapped his around hers, guess he noticed how shaky her hands were.

“We still have a long way to go. But we will be a big, happy family in the end”

She smiled at the thought, if she had any sense of her old self she’d laugh at the idea. But her old self is gone. Emily put down the dish and moved his arms so she could turn around, her arms draping over his neck in a lose hug, “family… a real family…” she muttered.

“Yes. A real family”

Emily couldn’t help but smile; not only about being part of a family but for the fact that this reassured her that he loved her. He never actually said those three words but neither has she; his actions were enough to convince her of his devotion. 


	13. Devotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph asks her the real question in regards to her love.

Emily was counting the dots on the sheets out of boredom, laying on her side as she did so  _> 25, 26, 27<_  She actually counted them all already but she has nothing else to do down here; plus she may have missed a few? She eventually looked over at Joseph who was changing his shirt.

She gazed over all the sins that were etched into his skin as she traced her finger over the one John gave her over a year ago; it had healed by now but you could still see it. How she wished the scar would just go away, float away, with the bad memories. She still occasionally has nights where she can't sleep cause all she'll see is death and destruction; but Joseph is always there to calm her down. 

She turned her attention to is face before muttering, “I always thought all your sins would be over come… you were-you are the Father. I thought you’d be the perfect man” she was still tracing her scar.

He glanced at his before putting on his shirt and walking over, “I never said I was perfect” He sat down next to her on the edge of the bed.

“We both aren’t then I guess...”

“There are always temptations trying to lead us down the wrong path. And sometimes we make mistakes, but those who know His word can find their way back to purity” He took her hand that was tracing her sin.

She glanced to the side before looking back at him, “When… When we leave the bunker. Are we going to try to find others so when can help them find the right way?”

“Others?”

“Yeah, others. We won’t be able to flourish outside if it’s just the 2 of us”

“I guess we could. We would need a community to start a new world. Grow our family even larger” he seemed to be daydreaming at the thought. “I’ll get a second chance at saving those lost souls”

She tilted her head, “I thought I was your second chance?”

He turned his attention back to her, “you know what I mean” he kissed her hand and smiled.

She covered her face with her free hand, a blush appearing across her cheeks. He sure had an affect on her now.

Joseph glanced over her, taking her other hand to see her face again and holding them both.

“Emily? I need to ask you something”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever envisioned yourself having children?”

Emily’s heart skipped a beat when he asked her that; having children scared her. For a multitude of reasons but the main one being she was afraid she’d fuck up the kid somehow. 

“I–I don’t know…” She sat up on the bed “Why?”

“Well, we must grow our family at some point and-”

“We can’t-! We can’t have a child down here... A child can’t grow up down here” she pulled her hands away and stood up from the bed, clearly anxious as she folded her arms across her chest and bit her lower lip; things she tended to do when her nerves got bad.

“Emily, just listen-”

“I can’t-”

“Emily.” His tone was stern.

She looked at the ground as Joseph stood up, “I don’t think I’m ready” she said timidly.

“I know that this may be out of the blue but it has to happen at some point. And I know you may be scared or nervous; it can be a scary thing, but you are strong.”

Emily gave him a sheepish glance, “I don’t even know if I can have a child…”

“If the Lord sees us fit, he will bless us with a little miracle” he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, “And we must show our love and devotion for one another some day, right?”

She nodded, still anxious but trying to hide it. She still remembers the story of his late wife, of his daughter; she was already scared to have a child and that just added on to it. What if the voice tells him that their child is a burden? What would he do?

These questions kept racing through her mind that she didn’t even realize Joseph had left the room. 

She looked around and laid back down on the bed.  _> everything will be fine… <_ she went back to counting the dots to distract herself. 

_> I’ll be fine... I want to show my love for him... He's a good man, there is nothing to worry about. We'll be fine.<_


	14. Love is a strange thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Emily has been closed off, Joseph's tenderness always gets her back to him.

Not being able to sleep Emily just stared at the wall, laying on her side with Joseph next to her. They had been sharing a bed for awhile now and she never minded it, she actually enjoyed it. But since he mentioned growing their family she began to keep space between them. As much as Emily wants to be close to someone, the idea of raising a child down here made her close herself off again.

Joseph began to stir as Emily stared into space, but Emily shut her eyes to make it seem as she had been sleeping. He flipped onto his other side, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close.

“Good morning, my dear” he whispered next to her ear, she could hear the smile in his tone.

“Good morning...” she re opened her eyes.

He gave her shoulder a quick kiss before getting up from the bed. Emily watched him, not wanting to get up; she was exhausted and just wanted to actually sleep since she hasn't slept in at least 2 days.

But Joseph noticed that she didn’t move and immediately knew something was wrong, usually Emily gets up when he does so her not doing so was a large sign of something.

Joseph sat there next to Emily, worry in his eyes “You alright?”

“…I can’t sleep”

“Are you still nervous?”

“…a little” she covered her head with the blanket to close herself off from him more, she never liked feeling vulnerable.

“You would make a great mother, Emily. There’s nothing to worry about” he got up and walked around to the other side of the bed to be in front of her; he got onto his knees next to the bed and pulled the blanket off her head. Their eyes met and he placed a hand on her cheek to comfort her, she could tell it pained him to see her so scared. But a part of her, a sort of voice in her head, told her that emotion he supposedly felt for her was fake. She ignored this warning anyway. There's no way he would fake that with her. 

“I’m not nervous about that… or having a child… well I am a little but, it’s just I’ve never…” she glanced away

“You never what?”

Her voice was almost inaudible “I’ve never done  _it_  with someone before”

A small smile appeared on his lip, his voice no more than a gentle whisper as he spoke, “oh, my dear, you really were made for me. Your soul is more pure than I thought” he pressed his forehead against hers.

Emily smiled at his comment and closed her eyes, “I love you”

Her eyes opened quickly as she was shocked by her own words; they've never said that to each other before and Emily honestly never thought she'd have the courage to say it at all. But it made her smile anyway.

When he moved away, a little shocked himself, and gazed into her eyes, “I love you too, Emily.”

Her heart fluttered when he said those words; she was nervous when she said it but when he reciprocated his love to her all she felt was happiness. Emily sat up and hugged him, her face buried into his neck. He hugged her back, running his fingers through her hair as they stayed like this for a while.

_> what am I so scared of…? He loves me<_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> healthy relationship am i right?


	15. Love and Vulnerability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Emily was laying on her back on the floor, staring up at the light above her as she just finished reading a book and couldn’t think of anything else to do. She has become closer to Joseph again and has been more open to his affection than before. 

She heard Joseph walk into the room where she laid and looked at him as he stood over her, his body blocking the light that she had been staring up at, “Hello there.”

She grinned, “Hi. You’re blocking the light.”

He leaned down towards her “Hey. I’m the only light you need in your life” he held out a hand for her, which she took, and helped her up to her feet; pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her waist. Joseph seemed to study her face, but lingered around her lips until he looked her back in the eyes. “You’re so beautiful, Emily.”

Her smile grew as she turned her head away, a blush spreading across her cheeks. She felt his hand against her cheek as he turned her face towards him, planting a gentle kiss on her lips; he brought up his other hand to cup her face, slowly pulling away with a smile. Emily never had a real first kiss in all honesty, well she kissed a guy back in middle school but she tries to forget that. She’s never usually cared for stuff like this either, besides Hope she has never felt any form of attraction towards anyone; but it’s different this time; his kiss was as gentle as his touch, it was loving. She craved this affection but was always too shy to ask for it. And it may be the fact that he was the only other person in this bunker or the fact that she truly did love him. But these feelings tend to flow together in her mind.

He pressed his forehead against hers; her amber eyes gazing into his baby blue ones. 

He started to move her to the bed, his kiss more passionate than before; Emily seemingly melted into the kiss as she didn’t realize what was happening until she was laid onto her back by Joseph who then got on top of her. She quickly pulled away from the kiss, her hand placed against his chest; not pushing him away but just to get him to stop for a moment, “W-wait… is this not a um... sin? We… we aren’t even married or anything…”

He spoke softly, “We love each other do we not?”

“Yes”

“Then there is no lust here.” He started to move one of his hands down her side to the hem of her shirt “This is the true and pure love God granted us. We must show our devotion to each other.”

She shivered at the touch of his hand against her bare skin as he slid off her shirt. She has never been this intimate with him, or anyone in that matter; and the brushing of his fingertips against her skin made her melt. She’d craved this for a long time, never wanting to admit it. She was regretful she ever did hold back.

Her heart was already racing but it just got faster as he began to slide off her pants; she was able to get his shirt off as he did that and loosely wrapped her arms around him. Joseph had his forearm planted next to her head for support, starting to leave a trail of kisses from her neck down to her chest. She was breathing pretty quickly, one of her hands running through his hair that had fallen out of its bun that we wore that day.

He began to remove her bra and underwear, which made her blush a deep red. He noticed this and smiled, giving her a long and passionate kiss on the lips.

He had gotten the rest of his clothes off, both catching their breath. Emily had already moved her legs apart, feeling a heat between them.

She had her arms wrapped around his neck, wanting to move her hips against his thigh that was in between her legs. But he just moved it away, one of his hands pressing down on her to keep her still. She let out a small noise in annoyance to which Joseph laughed, a grin on his face as he went back kissing her neck.

She heard him undo his buckle and pants, eventually moving his hands to her hips and getting between her already spread legs. He was whispering sweet nothing’s into her ear.

He slowly moved into her. He knew she was ready for him, but he didn’t want to hurt her so kept his pace slow, hearing the soft moans she let out. She had buried her face into his neck, moving her hips against his thrusts.

“You are so angelic” he said in a breathy whisper, running one of his hands on the curves of her body, his pace beginning to speed up.

Emily bit her bottom lip and laid her head against the pillow with her eyes shut, her breath a bit shaky. She hasn’t had any sort of intimacy in awhile, or at all in fact so it didn’t take much for her to come undone under his loving touches and kisses. She opened her eyes back up and looked at Joseph; they both had a loving look in their eyes, both in total bliss in this moment.

He pressed his forehead against hers as he sped up his pace more, hitting her sensitive spots as she bit her lip to seemingly keep herself quiet.

"You don't need to hold back, my dear" he whispered into her ear, his fingers brushing against her skin as he brought his hand up to her breasts.

She closed her eyes and cussed under her breath as his words seemed to make her come undone. A tight feeling was beginning to grow in her, one of her hands gripping his upper arm as she arched her back and let out a mix of a gasp and a moan as she reached her climax.

The feeling of her clench around him made him let out a low groan, his pace becoming uneven. She heard him whisper under his breath as his hand moved to her throat, only putting light pressure on it; enough for her heart to skip a beat though. It’s been a long time since Joseph has done anything like this and Emily could see that he was holding back a bit himself. But she loved how gentle he was trying to be with her during this moment; It was her first time after all. He let out a moan as he hit his own climax, releasing inside her and slowing down his pace till he stopped. He had his arms wrapped around her tightly, keeping her as close to his body as he could.

Emily kissed his cheek as they both tried to slow down their breathing, pressing her forehead to his she saw what seemed to be actual love in his eyes. And she knew he could see the love in hers.

He unwrapped his arms from around her, pulling out and moving down her body. She watched him press his forehead against her lower stomach; his eyes were closed as he spoke a soft prayer, a prayer for them to be blessed with a child. With a miracle.

Emily ran her fingers through his hair as he did this, a tired smile across her face. A part of her prayed along with him, prayed to have a miracle. But there was always that side of her filled with anxiety about the thought of a child.

Joseph looked back at her and moved back up, laying down on his side. They stared into each others eyes, smiles on both their faces as they soaked up this moment of love and vulnerability. Something that hasn't happened in a long time. Something they both craved for.

Emily snuggled up against Joseph, her head against his chest as she listened to his heartbeat slow down to a resting rhythm.

Joseph pulled the blanket over them, kissing her head, “My angel…” He whispered as he closed his eyes, his fingers tracing over her arm until they both fell into a deep sleep.


	16. Old memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily knows of her role for the new world. while she has her doubts about it she pulls through; finding comfort in Joseph. And Joseph in turn finds comfort in her strength.

The sounds of the generators is what woke Emily up, her eyes slowly opened to see Joseph as he laid next to her still asleep. He looked so peaceful, so warm laying there with the blanket covering almost his whole body. How things have changed over their time together down here, from hatred to love they have grown; she has grown fond of his affection. She placed her hand against his cheek, gently enough to not wake him, and looked over his face. She sighed, content with how things are going now; no more fights, no more anger just comfort.

She got up quietly from the bed, the ground cold against her bare feet, she grabbed some clothing and walked towards the showers not bothering to cover herself up; it’s just the two of them down here and he’s seen everything so what’s the point? She turned on the shower and washed her body, soaking up the warmth of the water; she didn't want to leave the shower. The bunker had been cold lately as they were saving some of the bunkers generator power. But with how cold it was she hoped it was winter outside.

Winter. That was Emily’s favorite season. As she had her eyes closed, the water running over her, she daydreamed of the snow falling. The comfort of sitting next to the fireplace or campfire with loved ones, a grand hot meal on Christmas day, snowball fights, Hope, happiness. All of it.

She opened her eyes, her mind coming back to reality as she felt arms snake around her waist; she looked up to see Joseph who had a tired smile on his face.

“Morning” she said with a smile.

“Morning” He gave her lips a quick kiss.

Emily wrapped her arms around him, the water hitting her back as she spoke softly, her gaze to the side “I’m gonna be honest…I never thought I could ever be intimate with someone until last night…”

“And why’s that?”

“It's just with everything that’s happened in the past. I thought I’d be broken or something...”

“You’re not broken, my dear.” he placed a hand against her cheek, which she leaned into with closed eyes; how she craved to be close to him.

They hugged for a while until Emily kissed his cheek, moving away, “I think we should wash up before the hot water runs out for the day.”

\----

Emily, as to pass some time before lunch, began sketching random faces. Emily used to draw as a child, and even occasionally as an adult, but never thought to be anything special; so she never showed anyone. And she didnt think these faces were special either at first, but when she stopped drawing she stared down at the paper as something clicked in her mind. She had drawn a face that looked like Grace; a sad smile appearing on her face as she remembered the old times with her.

Grace and Emily were close, despite what people would think. They were both quieter people, but had great respect for one another. Some days, when it was calm, they’d go sharp shooting out of a range they built; Grace usually won, but the times she didn’t Emily couldn’t help but brag. Emily’s head can get a bit too big.

Emily blinked a few times and flipped through the papers she’s used. All of them. Faces she’s drawn were her old friends, well, they looked similar to them at least. She hadn’t forgotten them after all. She seemed to think she has put her past behind herself to move on with Joseph; but some things just stick with you for life. She put the papers away on one of the shelves and walked out the room to wander; daydreaming once again of the past, just as she use to do before. But daydreaming down here can be dangerous.

She never told Joseph about the papers though; she still remembers the day a few months ago when he found the photos of his siblings that Dutch had around. He didn’t talk for days, didn’t even acknowledge her at moments; she eventually hid them, not wanting to see them either. Too many bad memories for the two of them. Too many bad memories that would just keep them apart.

**\---**

“You should probably stop spinning or you’re gonna get sick” Joseph was watching Emily spin on a rolling chair with a smirk.

“Don't worry I wont" she said with a prideful tone, her chins held high and eyes closed as she continued to spin; Joseph just watched with a raised eybrow.

Emily eventually stopped, “Oh... that was a mistake” she held her head in her hands, the room spinning.

He chuckled, leaning against the door frame. “Told you.”

She stood up with a playful glare towards Joseph,  the room eventually coming to a stop in her vision. Joseph walked up to her and placed a hand against her lower stomach.

“You feel any different lately?” he looked her in the eyes

“No… I don’t think so. But it’s only been like 2 weeks I think… I lost track of time.”

Joseph’s shoulders seemed to drop, he’s been talking constantly about the visions he had of her carrying his child and was disappointed that here had been no signs yet. Though a part of Emily was glad she wasn't pregnant yet, far too early to have a child down in the bunker. But whatever makes Joseph happy.

She placed a hand against his cheek as to comfort him, “if we still see no signs in the next few months we can try again, alright? I know what I have to do, and I'm ready for it..."

Joseph placed his hand over her hand that was eating against his cheek, a smile appearing on his lips, “I’m glad you have accept this role. Your strength gives me hope.“

She kissed his lips and patted his cheek with a smile. She isn’t as scared to have a kid; they have to grow their family. And like Joseph said, she’s strong.


	17. Little Miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily just got a life changing surprise.

_> Oh my god…<_ She thought to herself, completely in shock as she leaned against the bathroom sink with her hands. 

She had gone to use the bathroom and when she was sitting down something clicked in her head. She’s late.

_> am I actually..? I can't be...<_ She placed a hand over her abdomen, she didn’t know how to feel; happy? Scared? Nervous? She placed her face into her hands, her eyes shut. She didn't want to believe this was happening; on the first try too? Who would've guessed? She took a deep breath in and out to compose herself; she had to tell him. She couldn’t hide it from him forever; sooner or later she’ll start showing symptoms.

She walked out the restroom and into the living area, “Hey, Joseph um… I need to tell you something” she tapped her fingers across her arms as they were folded across her chest.

He looked over at her from the couch, “yes, Emily?”

“I uh… I think I’m pregnant” she said the last word quietly, chewing the inside of her cheek.

Joseph sat up straight, his eyes widening “wh-you’re-? Really?”

“Yeah, really”

Emily doesn’t think she’s seen Joseph so ecstatic before, he’s usually very composed with himself, but a wide, gleeful smile appeared on his face as he ran up and picked her up, spinning around once before setting her back down.

She laughed as he did this, her smile as big as his was. Him being so happy calmed her nerves, but as usual they were always in the corners of her mind.

He got down on his knees and pressed his forehead against her abdomen like he did a month ago; she couldn’t hear exactly what he was whispering but it was probably a prayer or thanks to God for their blessing. Emily could feel tears in her eyes, she had so many emotions running through her that all she could was cry.

Joseph wrapped his arms around her to hug her waist, still on his knees as he gave her stomach little kisses and looked up at her. He had a joy in his eyes she's never seen before, even when the cult was still around, and Emily loved it. Maybe her nerves were just her over thinking things; if Joseph didn't love her he wouldn't be this happy... right?

“Blessed are we to have such a miracle” he gave her stomach another kiss before he stood back, cupping her face in his hands. “God has seen us fit to raise a child, to grow our family.”

She sniffled, the smile never leaving her face as his joy seemed to flow into her.

Joseph wiped away a stray tear that had fallen down her cheek, “May our family prosper.”

“May we prosper.”


	18. Imagination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily is getting ideas again. And not good ones.

The hum of the equipment and generators were the only noise as the two lounged in bed together, having nothing much else to do today.

“As much as I am excited to have a child… I don’t want to actually give birth, ya know. Why can’t it just magically appear?” she was laying on the bed next to Joseph who was reading a book she's sure he's read meany times before.

He glanced from his book, placing a hand on her stomach and placing the book against one of his legs as he turned a page, “You’ll get through it. And I will be here for everything you need.”

“Do you even know how to deliver a child? Cause all I do is push and be in pain sooo... I got my hands full.”

He smiled, “I’m no doctor but I know a few things”

“Yeah but we’re in a bunker with limited supplies when it comes to medical stuff”

He gave her stomach a pat, “We’ll be fine, Emily. I promise” he went back to reading his book.

She looked up at him for a few moments, watching him as he kept his attention on the pages of his book  _> He reads too much...<_

She eventually got off the bed and went into the living room where she had those drawings; she took some out and looked over them, she sure was starting to miss them more and more everyday, “Wish you guys could have been saved… just how I was.” A part of her knew they would never want to be saved by Joseph but she always dreamed of everyone being together in peace; something that sometimes felt far fetched. She sighed, putting them back as she was sitting on her knees, a hand over her stomach. Sometimes she forgets she's even pregnant, “I will never let anyone harm you” she whispered as if the baby were in her arms “the world you’ll be born into is a harsh one. But I’ll keep you safe…” She looked at the hallway, thinking to herself; she shook her head  _> no… no, he wouldn’t hurt you… He will love you so so much. He calls you a miracle…< _She was starting to not believe her own words.

She got up and walked up to the door that leads to the room she wasn’t allowed into; she turned the knob to see if it was locked. It was. Her eyebrows knitted in annoyance, “Hmph… what is in this room that he won’t let me see?" She thought of what could be inside; another person? No, that wouldn’t make sense. Supplies? Seems logical, but why hide it? Meditation room of sorts? Probably. Her mind went to the most reasonable to the most outlandish of ideas, but imagination can get crazy down in this bunker after some time.

"Emily? Can you come here” He yelled from the bedroom.

She looked towards his voice then back at the door.  _> maybe he’ll just let me in one day…yeah right...<_ she folded her arms and walked to the bedroom, planning a way to get into that room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short, filler (?) chapter, the rest are long i think lol


	19. Rebel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After many failed attempts of convincing Joseph to let her see that room, she decided to do it herself.

She waited a few weeks until she finally tried to enter that room Joseph was so secretive of as to not raise any suspicion in him; it may have been nearly 2 years but she still knows how to lock pick.

Waiting until he was asleep, she got up from the bed, luckily he didn't wake up, and grabbed some tools she's been hiding to pick the door lock. It would be a lie to say she wasn't freaking out, she was breaking a massive rule. But even with the jitters she still found it refreshing to do something rebellious; that flame in her was faint, but it never truly was extinguished. Her old self was never truly gone, just buried deep inside.

She knelt down at the door, glancing around her before picking the lock. It took her a few tries and she nearly gave up before she heard the door click.

_> yes!< _She got all giddy, doing a little dance for her success; she hasn't felt this happy in a long time, her little shoulder shimmy proving so. She stopped celebrating, not wanting to make much noise and put the tools in her pocket and slowly opened he door, tensing when it made a sound, thinking he would have heard it. She listened for Joseph but didn't hear anything and opened it all the way.

"Holy- sweet baby Jesus..." She did not expect what she saw.

There were radios on one of the tables, some tuned to certain channels, some were off. There were papers scattered all around the floor, tables, and some hanging from the walls; they had sermons and drawings on all of them. She walked in and quietly shut the door looking over to her right to see some tv's, only one was on which showed the outside. The bombs were real, and the tv proved it. Why it wasn’t the best quality, she could see fallen trees all around, some were still standing but all of them were bare. She could tell what the season was by the seemingly snow covered ground. She wished she could go out and feel the crisp, hopefully not radiation filled air.

She turned her attention back to the radios and heard a faint crackle, seeing headphones connected to one of the working radios. Her heart was racing as she walked up, her shaky hand reaching out towards it. She wanted to listen. But she also wanted to walk away. What good would come of this if she listened? Will she even hear anyone? Or will this prove that it really is just the two of them left in Hope county?

She took a deep breath and grabbed the headphones, putting them on in one swift movement. The static was loud, way louder than she expected and flinched, glancing behind her to make sure Joseph hadn't snuck up. This was a bad decision, probably a useless one too. Though, why else would Joseph keep this place hidden? Why would he have sermons scattered around? Trying to listen for something, she sat down on the creaky chair and rested her arms on the table were the radios sat.

“Come on... there has to be at least one other person out there...” she looked at the papers surrounding her, “he’s been preaching to people... or himself.”

She noticed a piece of paper with numbers written on it and looked back and forth between the paper and the radio, getting an idea. She began to tune the radio to those numbers, or frequencies really, "This is really stupid to do. Joseph is going to be pissed..." she couldn't help but say that with a mischievous smirk.

When she got to the right frequency she still heard static and began tuning it randomly. She sighed, disappointed in still not hearing anything similar to a voice, and reached up to take off the head phones.

__h----hell---o_

_An---?__

She froze. _> Did someone-?<_ the voice wasn't clear. It was cutting off a lot but she knew she wasn't hearing things. 

She swallowed, feeling a lump in her throat, "We aren't alone..." She debated whether or not to talk back. She didn't even know if they could hear her if she did; she could barely hear them. She thought of what she would even say or if it was worth it right now, Joseph could get up at any moment and she’s not about to get caught just yet. She still has more to find out.

She eventually took off the headphones, a smirk on her lips. "We aren't alone" she whispered again, the smirk quickly disappearing as it dawned on her, "we aren't alone... he lied to me..." she placed everything back to how it was when she first got in, taking steps back from the radios, her that flame in her growing ever so. "he's been lying... this whole time..." she slowly walked to the door, glancing back at the papers that had the sermons on them; she shouldn't take anything.

She opened the door slowly, making sure Joseph wasn't waiting for her in the hallway; when she knew it was clear she walked out and shut the door behind her back. She had to somehow convince Joseph to leave early, there's people out there that need help. And she can't stand back and do nothing. But she needs to be careful, she can't get away with this every time.


	20. Don't Believe Your Own Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily can try but Joseph will never change his mind. She’ll have to take things into her own hands soon.

“Emily, I’ve said this a million times. We are not leaving this bunker until the 7 years are over” he talked over his shoulder, cleaning some dishes as she sat on the couch by the fish tank.

“But there might be people out there right now who need our help”

“Emily-”

“Joseph. Just… just think about it, please?” She stood up, “By the time we leave, those lost souls might be too far gone for our help. Unless you don’t think they deserve to be saved…”

He looked over at her, “The Voice has commanded me-”

“Humanity isn’t completely lost! And-" she stood there with her hands behind her back, her voice quieting down, "-and what if the voice is wrong.”

She could see his eye twitch as he stared back at her, the hint of anger showing in his expression, he turned his attention back to cleaning “I’m done talking about this, Emily.”

“Joseph-”

He slammed one of his hands down on the counter, causing her to jump and bring her hands to her stomach as to protect the unborn child, “I SAID… I’m done talking about this.” He turned around to face her, one of his hands in a fist.

Emily could see the anger she once brought out of him in the past, does she ever learn? Just obey him and nothing will happen, its that simple. She eventually backed down, her eyes gazing down to the floor as she walked out the room, her body tense as she did.

 _> Why does he follow that damn voice in his head so much?<_ She laid down on their bed, her arms folded across her chest  _> …I mean… it was right about the collapse…<_  She covered her face with the pillow, groaning into it  _> He was right about the collapse… so he has to be right about staying down here… But I don’t want to stay down here. I don’t think I can... there are people outside, and he's lied about it.< _The only thing keeping her sane for the moment is sneaking into the room and listening for people. She hasn’t heard that voice from days ago and she’s getting impatient; but she won’t give up until she’s forced to.

She moved the pillow away and jumped when she saw Joseph standing next to the bed. “Oh my-… you're so quiet...”

He glanced at her stomach before looking her back in the eyes, walking over and sitting down next to her on the bed, his hands in his lap, “Emily… I’m worried you are straying from the path.”

“Straying?” she placed her hands over her stomach again, it was starting to become a habit of hers.

“You’ve been asking to leave this place for the past couple days now. You’ve mentioned it in the past before but lately… do you really believe my teachings?”

“Of course I do.” she replied quickly, as if any hesitation would cause him to grow suspicious. 

He spoke softly, “I just feel that our faith in each other is faltering. Even after we’ve been through; your soul being saved, our show of our love… our blessing… yet we still argue.”

She sat up, “My faith is still strong. And I know yours is too. Maybe this is just a test; a hard test but one we can get through.” 

He took one of her hands into his, gazing into her eyes “I’m sorry for snapping at you like that. Sometimes my wrath gets the best of me.”

“Our sins are sometimes overwhelming… you’ve taught me that. My wrath… my pride sometimes creep up on me unexpectedly. I know yours have too.” 

He wrapped his arms around her in an embrace, to which she did as well, and whispered into her ear, “I sometimes feel as if those sinners somehow still get to you. Even when you’re protected from them down here with me… where they can’t reach you.”

_> they have a way of reaching<_

“They won’t find us. If there are any left… I believe only those who want to find the right path lived. I think God would want to give them a new chance at life in this new world.” she moved away from the hug. “Our child should be born in a world free of sinners. A world they shouldn’t fear” she said softly

He nodded, the dull anger in his eyes seeming to fade at the thought of their child, “they’ll be born pure and stay pure.”

She smiled in response, “Yes they will” 

_> Don’t say things you don’t believe. Don't believe your own lies. You need to find others.<_


	21. Sinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily tries to contact other’s on the outside, but it doesn’t go according to plan.

She waited once again until the trust between the two was stable; and while she didn’t want to leave his arms as they slept, she really wanted to use the radios. She had gotten a clearer message this time and it sounded as if these people, or person, were calling for others just as she was. She slowly moved his arms away from her, basically sliding off the bed and onto the floor; he always kept her close to him especially now, and she was sure it was because he was suspicious of why she wants to leave so badly.

She snuck back into the room and began to tune the radio, occasionally glancing at the tv behind her. She’s seen animals on the screen but never any people, maybe it was better to not have people around this bunker, who knows how Joseph would react to people trying to get in?

She was resting her head on one of her hands, the other turning the knobs.

__th—for any surviv—_

_We—lter for any who_

_—it__

She lifted her head back up, becoming alert and grabbing the microphone, her finger hovering over the button. She wanted to speak. It was obvious Joseph had been using the microphone; why else would it be attached, turned on, and right next to papers with his sermons. 

_> He’s been keeping this secret from me… he’s been teaching his word and doesn’t trust me enough to tell me? And he says I don’t have my faith in him?<_

She finally pressed the button, speaking in a hushed tone “h-hello? Is there… is there anyone out there? My name is Emily Burns. I’m… I was a deputy of the Hope County sheriffs department.” She released the button, listening for a voice. Nothing.

“Hello is there anyone out there?”

Again nothing.

Emily sighed before trying one last time, “my name is-” she stopped when she heard a voice.

__say again? Over.__

Her heart stopped for a moment, “m-my name is Emily Burns. I was a deputy for Hope County sheriffs department… over.”

It was silent for a few minutes before a shaky voice came back.

__Did you say your name was Emily?__

“Yes” she heard a mutter over the radio.

__Emily… oh my god. You’re alive!?__

She smiled, she could hear the person’s joy in their voice and it seemed to travel through the radio and into her.

__Emily! It’s-__

She never heard the rest as a loud bang echoed around the room as a bullet went through the radio, her joy quickly turning into fear. Emily screamed, quickly turning around to see Joseph at the door way, pistol aimed at her. Rage in his eyes.

“What the Hell do you think you’re doing?” His voice was low as he walked towards her with his pistol still aimed, his finger was on the trigger as he seemed ready to shoot again.

Emily was breathing rapidly, her heart racing, she couldn’t speak; she had no way of talking herself out of this situation. She got caught red handed. She could try to calm things down but she know there's nothing she can really do, Joseph has a temper and the fact that she disobeyed him like this was a one way ticket to Hell. Joseph towered over her as she cowered in the chair, tears filling her eyes as she basically waited for him to shoot her; his gun was pointed at her forehead and his finger twitching to pull the trigger, she knew this was the final straw.

“I  _knew_  you were up to something. But I didn’t want to accept it. You’ve done nothing but lie to me. I should’ve figured you’d be doing this.”

“I… I’ve been lying? What do you call all of this?! You– you’ve been lying to me this entire fucking time!!” She flinched when he pulled the hammer back on the gun, never talk back to him.

“You’ve tested my patience for long enough, Emily.” he moved the gun down to her stomach. “You don’t deserve to have this blessing.”

“N–no no no, wait please don’t! Joseph, please… please” panic filled her voice as tears streamed down her cheeks, “I-im sorry!” She’s been fearful of him before, but he’s never done anything like this. He'd shoot her right here, kill their child and most likely kill her in the process; she always figured she’d die in this bunker but she always thought she’d go down fighting.

“I don’t believe you” he had no emotion in his voice, but his eyes told a different story.

“I–I had to know if others were alive! It gives me hope! Hope for us! Faith that we can save others! I know i–i shouldn’t have lied to you!” Her hands were gripping the arms of the chair, thinking he’d shoot her anyway. Her eyes begged him to forgive her, she didn't want to get hurt again.

But he did shoot; not at her stomach, at her shoulder. The shoulder that was injured by that falling tree years ago. He didn't want her dead, she's carrying his child.

Her ears rang and time seemed to slow. She couldn’t breath, too in shock to as she looked at her shoulder then up at him; she’s been shot plenty of times before, but she’s forgotten what it feels like. She felt nothing but numbness at first then a hot pain, if she didn’t know it was a bullet she would’ve thought she was hit with a bat or something. Joseph grabbed her forcefully by the arm where he shot and basically threw her out into the hallway, her body sliding across the cold, concrete floor. She yelled in pain, blood oozing out from the bullet wound and down her shirt and arm.

“A lying, tainted sinner like you needs to be punished.” he looked down at her as she laid on the floor, clutching her shoulder in pain, he looked disgusted by her and the sins she carried with her, the sins that she once thought were behind her. He holstered his pistol and grabbed her arm harshly, “Maybe you were right, Deputy.” He’s never called her that, “Maybe the voice was wrong. Wrong about you, wrong that you could be saved.” He brought her back to the sleeping area, grabbing the handcuffs and putting them tightly around her wrists. She was once again restrained to the bed, her shoulder causing her a great amount of pain.

“I’m sorry… i-im sorry, Joseph. P–please just… just-” she spoke between her sobs of pain, sadness, and terror. She knows he won’t hesitate to hurt her now, even if she’s pregnant with his child. You disobey Joseph, you get what’s coming to you. 

“Shh shhhh. I won’t listen to your begging… I'll just be harsher if I do.”

She felt the back of her shirt get cut open and froze, her body shivering as she felt his fingers trace over her spine.

“You brought this upon yourself.” He whispered, his voice unnervingly gentle “if you just listened to me…" He sighed and stood up, taking a few steps back.

She was biting her lip to quiet her sobs, her eyes shutting tightly. She didn’t know what he was planning until she heard him take off his belt. Her face was hidden in the crook of her elbow as she tried to somehow make herself unseen; but she also wanted what was about to come to be unseen. She couldn't beg, she couldn't escape this new Hell she was in and Joseph took advantage of it. Emily gasped and tensed in pain as the first strike hit her, he pulled all his weight into that one and she could feel it. She could feel the metal of the belt as it cut open her skin and she could feel the warm blood start to trickle down as he struck her again and again. And through her sobs she swears she could hear him counting: 1,2,3,4, and so on. He stopped after 15.

Her body was weak, her eyelids heavy as exhaustion started to take over; she jerked when she felt his hand against her wrists. His gentle touch unfamiliar after the punishment, she didn't want him near her but was too weak to fight him. He didn't uncuff her however, instead he took her chin and made her look into his emotionless eyes.

"Why must you disobey me... why does the Voice want you alive? Because if it were my choice, I would choke you until you no longer struggled underneath me." His face was inches from hers, his grip tightening.

She sniffled, her eyes widening at his words; he was done with her.

He eventually let go and stood up, his eyes looking down at her as he blinked slowly; he didn't say anything else and walked out, leaving a broken and bleeding Emily alone once again. She prayed she’d black out, not having to feel anymore pain. But her prayers were never answered.


	22. Now I See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily’s fire within is becoming brighter and brighter with every passing day. One day it will set her free.

Emily was pretty sure she’s been asleep for days after what happened, her body in pain and her mind numb. Joseph had taken the bullet out from her shoulder earlier and wrapped it up, the wounds on her back dressed with bandages. He can care for her as much as he want, what he did to her will never be forgiven.

She was laying on her side that wasn’t injured, the pain too much when she laid on her back or on her left shoulder, and stared at the wall in front of her. She was exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically; the only thing keeping her alive being the fact that they aren’t alone. And if she can survive this, then she can survive outside. Emily was too tired to do anything so Joseph had to feed, though she didn’t really eat much, and bathe her. His touch was gentle once again, even after what he did  _> I brought this onto myself…<_ was all she thought. She didn’t listen to his word. And look where it got her.

“Emily?” Joseph leaned around the corner into the room.

She refused to look at him and kept her eyes on the wall in front of her. 

“Emily, you need to eat. It's been days.” He didn't have an ounce of softness in his tone.

She didn’t reply, which cause him to sigh and leave.

Her mind kept going back and forth, but it always went back to what Joseph was willing to do to keep her under his boot _ >He loves me… we are having a child together… _ _a child he was going to kill… while I still carry it. <_

She felt a tear fall down her face and onto her arm,  _> I shouldn’t have this child… I’m a sinner. The gates will never be open to me< _It was as if something clicked in her mind at those thoughts. As if a fog had been lifted away and she could finally see in front of her.

“No. I don’t want the gates opened to me… I want those bunker doors opened… I want to be free” she said in a whisper, looking at the door where Joseph had stood. “Love isn’t supposed to hurt… not like this… it never was with  _her_ …" 

Anger and sadness started to fill her heart and mind; she wanted to be free, but she didn’t want to be alone. Especially in a wasteland with little survivors, she was carrying his child, how could she survive alone? No. No she can survive on her own. She’s done it before, she can do it now even if she’s broken.

She slowly sat up, pain shooting through her as she did which caused her to groan. She sat still for a moment, her eyes closed as she waited for the pain to ease up. When it finally did she moved her legs off the bed and out her feet onto the floor, wincing at the pain in her back. Taking deep breaths in and out through her nose, she stood up on shaky legs, "I need to get strong again… You’ve always been strong...” she said as to encourage herself.

She looked over at the door where Joseph had stood, her eyebrows furrowing. She hated him for what he did to her. To her mind, to her body, to her soul. He said she was broken, but that was a lie. He made her break. And she was going to heal herself.


	23. The key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily has healed, physically at least, and will escape the bunker. She just needs that key.

Emily was rubbing her belly, as she was starting to really show finally at 5 months, and hummed to herself. Luckily this baby didn’t give her morning sickness, that was one thing she dreaded to get. The other thing was actually having the baby down here and raising it with Joseph but that is besides the point.

It’s been a month and while Emily can move her shoulder around, it still gives her discomfort. But she found this wound and the scars on her back to be a blessing in the sense that it brought her back to the surface of that sea of bliss. Now that fire within her was strong and she won’t let it be extinguished. She’s had to start faking her love for Joseph, something that was difficult to do. Not only for the fact that it was Joseph but for the fact that, in a really fucked up way, she loved him. Being metaphorically blind to his true nature she didn’t know any better before, and he got to her when she was vulnerable and broken, he got there at the right time. And because of that she will, in some place in her heart, think he cared.

She knows the only way to get out of the bunker is to kill Joseph; she just doesn’t know if she can get herself to do it. It’s a constant conflict in her mind. One hand she’s developed an unhealthy attachment to him, having gotten used to his presence during her worst times. Having seen genuine smiles and laughter from him. On the other hand she thinks he’s just using her for his own gain. She bets if she couldn’t have children, he would have no real use for her. They had to repopulate the new world according to Joseph. But to Emily, she wished humanity was just wiped out by those bombs; including herself and Joseph.

“I need to get that key…” She muttered to herself.

She walked into the bedroom to find Joseph sleeping. She could see the bunker key hanging off his belt.

_> worth a shot< _she thought to herself with a shaky breath in, her being afraid would be an understatement, she was as scared as a child. 

But she walked up to him quietly and hooked the key with her finger, trying not to move it too much that it would wake him. She began to unloop it from his belt, her hands shaking as she did.  _> Careful<_ she almost got it untied when he shifted around in his sleep.  _> fuck fuck fuck<_ she quickly moved her hands away and went to the other side of the bed, acting as if she was just getting in. It was a smart move because he opened his eyes.

“Can’t sleep?” he whispered in a hoarse voice.

“No… It’s just m… our child had been moving a lot” she laid down next to him, her back to him

“why didn’t you wake me?”

“I didn't want to...”

Joseph stared at her for a moment before wrapping his arms around her tightly, she couldn’t move her arms with how he held her; she was pretty sure he was getting suspicious of her and was trying to keep her as near as possible so she couldn't leave. 

She didn’t cuddle up against him, she just laid there as he held her; she didn’t want to be any closer than she already was. But she let out a quiet sigh and closed her eyes anyway to fall asleep,  _> I’ll get that key… if all goes well maybe you’ll still be alive<_


	24. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Emily can’t wait any longer and she’s going to get out one way or another.

_> get the key. Get the key. Get the key<_ she was pacing in the bedroom as Joseph was somewhere else, she was getting impatient with herself and in turn was snappy at Joseph. And she knew he was starting to get suspicious of her as she tried multiple times to grab the key from him, failing each one. She won’t fail again.

Joseph walked in, seeing her pacing, “What are you doing?”

She looked over at him, stopping in her tracks, “I can’t do this any more…”

“What?”

“I can’t stay down here. I can’t have a child down here”

“Emily, you know the v-”

“Fuck that. Fuck the `Voice`. And fuck  _you._ ” her voice was filled to the brim with hatred; she had her hands balled into fists as she took a step towards Joseph in a threatening matter.

His fingers twitched, his gun in the holster, “watch your mouth, Emily.” He took a step towards her just as he did, “What has gotten into you?”

“What has gotten into me?” she laughed, “Nothing but that I finally came to terms with the fact that you broke me! That I was never blind, Joseph! You’ve made me blind. You broke me until I was nothing but an empty shell of myself. I knew the real you until you used your honeyed words and promise of a better life as you slowly chipped away at my strength. You used me. Just like you used your siblings.”

Joseph gave her a warning glare, his jaw clenching.

_> That’s right. Get angry.<_ “I will admit. I did love you for awhile but I eventually realized what you were doing. And at first I was going to kill myself but then I realized… that’s probably what your late wife did.”

“Emily.” He placed his hand on the gun, his voice stern.

She smirked “When she found out she got pregnant, she probably meant to get into a crash so a man like you would never have a family. A man like you doesn’t deserve one!”

Joseph gripped the handle of his gun as he took another step towards her. But Emily knew what she was doing, she wanted him to make one wrong move so she could grab that key and get the Hell out of the bunker. 

“And you knew this. That’s why you killed your own newborn baby; you killed an innocent child because of your cowardice! You were going to kill me and _my_ child because we didn’t listen to you! How could you call yourself a man of God when you do shit like that? You are nothing but a schizophrenic, murderous, cult-”

Joseph pulled out his pistol and aimed it at her; which caused her stumble backwards onto the bed as he ran up to her, putting the pistol against her forehead, “I said watch. It.” He gritted through his teeth. The rage in his eyes bored holes into her own eyes as he stared down her, the cold metal of the gun against her skin as her heart pounded in her chest as adrenaline pumped through her veins.

Despite her position she kept talking, her stubbornness showing clearly as ever, “I thought you were an intelligent man, Joseph. Having convinced all those people that they would be safe with you. Knowing how to break people, knowing how to get people to love you, to worship you like dogs." Her head was pressed down against the pillow as he pressed the gun against her head more, her voice slowly getting quieter yet more wrathful, "But, the dumbest mistake you ever made was not shooting me in that. Church.” She had hidden a knife under the pillow for the last two days, waiting for the right moment. And this was it. She grabbed it and plunged it into his shoulder of the arm that held the gun that caused Joseph to drop the gun onto the floor with a clank as the metal it the concrete floor, Emily slide it away with her foot as she pushed Joseph off her with all her might. She rolled off the bed and onto her hands and knees.

He let out a sound in pain and stumbled back onto his feet, quickly pulling out the knife and tossing it to the side, blood running down his arm as he watched Emily go for the gun on the floor.

Emily grabbed the gun, her mind a mess as it tried to process what was happening around her as her hands wrapped around the pistols grip. She suddenly felt Joseph get on top of her and grab the gun as she turned to aim at him, both struggling for control. The gun was between them, she didn’t know which way it was facing and worried on whether or not to just shoot. One of them will die. Either she will and Joseph will be alone in this bunker, or he will and she’ll finally be free.

She held her breath and pulled the trigger, both of them freezing as the gun went off. Emily always heard the term ‘life flashing before your eyes’ and she finally experienced it; everything she can remember seemed to go by in a second the bullet left the chamber. Her childhood, her life in the police department, her life fighting the cult, and the life she's had down here; all of it going by in a second. She didn’t feel any pain however, only blood coating her shirt, arms and hands; but she thought that was only because of the shock she was going through. She looked Joseph in the eyes, his were wide in shock and fear. She smiled at the sight, she’s never seen fear in his eyes before and it made her heart soar. She doesn’t think he thought he would ever die to the hands of someone like her, to the hands of a sinner. But life is strange isn't it?

He stumbled back onto the floor to reveal the bullet wound in his abdomen, he had his hands over it, blood covering them as he leaned his back against the bed and sat on the ground.

Emily sat up, her hands trembling as her heart raced, “I did it… hah… I finished the job… I’m free…” Her eyes were wide in shock, never thinking she’d ever be free from Joseph’s leash he had on her.

He looked up at her as she stood, his hand against his wound as if it would stop the bleeding, “You’ll never be free… not from-not from me” he coughed, some blood coming up and dripping down his mouth, “I’ll never leave you, Emily. I’ll always be with you.” He lifted his hand up and weakly gestured to her stomach, to their unborn child. “You’ll always be reminded of me when you look into their eyes…” He had a smirk on his face, “the Voice will find it’s way to you. Or our child. And… And they shall carry on my legacy” he seemed out of breath as his body started to become weaker.

“That will never happen. And you want to know how? Because I won’t let it. It may find me but I won’t let it control me. I don’t need a God to guide me through life like a lost child. It won’t define me. And I will  _never_ worship a wrathful god that chose a man like you to do their ‘biddings’.” Her fingers wrapped around the pistol tightly, her bravery coming back to the surface. She aimed the pistol at his head, her face and tone void of emotion, "And Father, when you get to Hell, will you please say hello to your siblings for me?  _Especially_  Jacob. Ask him if I’m weak now.”

Joseph tilted his chin up, staring her directly in the eyes. The fear was gone. He was quick to accept his death, they both knew he wouldn’t survive even if they tried to patch the wound.

“And save me a spot while you’re at it.” she pulled the trigger, the bullet going through his head and causing blood to splattered over the bed,  _> When you make a God bleed, they cease to be one…<_

She lowered the gun, her hand shaking still, and just stared at his lifeless body. It really happened, this wasn’t a dream and it was like she could finally breath again. She dropped the gun and fell onto her knees as she gasped for air, as if she came back to the surface after nearly drowning. Every emotion she ever held back down here hit her all at once and all she could do is cry, she sobbed and sobbed until there were no more tears left in her. She has never felt this way before, even when she killed the other Seeds; when she killed them she felt nothing. But with Joseph's death she felt many things: Happiness, sadness, fear, anxiety, calmness; it was as if every emotion someone could have was in her at the very moment.

She took deep breathes in and out to calm her self down after some minutes, maybe even hours, of crying. And when she looked back up to Joseph’s lifeless body, she had a small smile on her face  _> I’m free…<_. She wiped away the tears and stood up on shaky legs, walking over to Joseph, scared to grab the key thinking somehow he’d still be alive. But she grabbed it and stood back up, holding it in her hands like it was some rare necklace she found. She studied it for a few minutes before walking out the room, she had to get supplies. Her mind was racing as she gathered whatever she could carry. 

At one point, when she was grabbing some canned food, she saw the blood on her hands and arms having completely forgotten in her rush to leave. She got up and walked over to a sink, washing the blood off herself. It was as if she cleaned herself of her sins in a way, watching the bloody water go down the drain. Besides her feeling calmer, his words still bounced around in her thoughts;  _You'll never be free_. Maybe he is right about that, he was right about many things; though Emily would never admit that to anyone now, the man she despised with every fiber of her being should never be right. She shook her head as to forget what she can't seem to let go, walking back to the supply area.

She gathered a ton of food and water, and wore winter clothing; she only knew to do this when she looked at the tv in the radio room and saw the snow on the ground. As she looked around the room that inspired her to fight back, she read some of the papers scattered around. Some were about her; how they would restart their lives, how he wanted her dead but the voice said not to. Joseph said many things to Emily, but even those were like nothing what he wrote down. A part of her wanted to keep some of these papers but she fought that urge.

_> You should’ve killed me when you had the chance.<_

She walked back to where Joseph was and looked over his lifeless body. This is the most at peace she's ever seen him ironically. Emily crouched next to him and looked down at his hand that was over his wound, taking the rosary he always had with him. She doesn’t know why she did this and she'll probably never know why. As she stood she kept her eyes on him, her anger coming out again as she gave his leg a harsh kick, his body just rocking at the force. Emily wanted to do so much more to him, after all that he did to her he deserved a slow death, but she acted in the moment and there was no turning back now.

“The world will forget your name. I can promise you that.” She talked as if he could hear her, “I may never forget what you did to me and to others. But I’ll move on one day… I’ll have this child, and if we both survive into the years to come I will care for it as if it weren’t yours. They’ll never know about you. They’ll only know my love for them…”

She thought to herself for a moment and grabbed some paper and a pencil, writing a note and leaving the pictures of his siblings that Dutch had in the bunker next to his body in some sort of shrine. Hoping that if anyone found this place, they’ll find this and know that something happened here. Maybe they'll figure it's Joseph and be at peace that he's finally gone, or maybe some Peggies will see this and break. Either way, Emily would enjoy to see the looks on their faces.

She eventually went into the radio room and turned one of the last working radios on, tuning to one of the stations Joseph wrote down, one he preached to, and spoke into the microphone. 

“This is a broadcast to any Peggies that survived the collapse, your beloved Father is dead. Killed by a sinner that not even he could keep his control over. And I promise you this, I will kill each and everyone of you and the people you love. Just like you did to countless others before the collapse for your dear Joseph. So you better stay in your little hideouts until you can no longer breath your blissed filled air; cause I will show no mercy. Over and out.” She took a few steps back and pulled out a pistol, shooting the radio several times, the sound of the gun echoing throughout the bunker; Emily heard the ring in her ears but paid no attention to it as she kept her head held high. 

She kept the pistol raised as she stared at the bullet holes; and as she lowered the gun she smiled, “No mercy.” She walked out the room and shut the door behind her.

As Emily got to the bunker door, she took a deep breath in and out before sliding the key in a slow almost hesitant movement; her fear made her hesitate but she got through it. The door opened with a creak, not having being used in years, and as it opened and the cold air rushed in, she closed her eyes feeling the air hit her face. She gasped, not having felt or breathed fresh air in god knows how long. It caused her to feel dizzy for a moment or two, it reminded her of when she would step into the fogs of Bliss and the world would seem to spin ever so slightly; who knew you could feel high from fresh air? That or the bliss was everywhere after the bombs, who knows?

She eventually walked outside when she got used to the air, looking around and expecting to see nature to somewhat have taken over. But she saw nothing but snow. The trees were bare, the sky cloudy; everything seemed dull and dreary. But despite this sight, she looked at the snow and how the moonlight bounced of it. She smiled; a small but genuine one and placed her hands over her unborn child, “You’re strong… just keep your feet moving forward. You’ll find Hope again.” She said to herself to give herself courage. She lifted her chin up as a way to show her bravery and took the first step forward. The first step on her journey back home.

She’s been through Hell and survived; she won’t go down without a fight now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first part of her story is done... MORE TRAUMA IS GONNA COME LOL its for character development.

**Author's Note:**

> im having to rewrite this so the later chapters will come out in a bit, maybe one everyday. maybe two, idk. anyway, ty for liking my bad writing lmao


End file.
